New Year, New Experiences

As I type this, I am sitting in cyber café somewhere in Bukit Bintang. The person next to me happens to be a very cute Japanese guy (he’s typing Japanese, that’s how I know)… such nice eye candy. In the streets below, people are already beginning to fill the streets in anticipation for the celebrations.

I’ve not been online very frequently because I’ve been moving around like a gypsy, with little chance for internet access… and because of that my mailbox is clogged with messages. Many new faces sending me points on Axcest, and many messages that need replying. Gosh. Do you think I’ll finish replying all mail/points before my one hour internet session ends? I can’t afford another hour! Gosh…

I have planned to meet up with a Japanese guy (another one, not the one next to me) and he’s offered me a place at his apartment for the night. I’ve never met him before or even heard his voice, but my six sense tells me that it’s going to be ok.

He’s not overly handsome or overly ugly either. Just so-so. The way he speaks English is most amusing. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m mocking him… I mean, the sentences he write can be very cute at times….

He travels a lot as the nature of his job requires him to. So far he has been to many places such as Thailand, Vietnam, Shanghai, Melbourne, Beijing, Singapore… just to mention a few. Mostly he travels there on business trips. He must be a rich guy… as he stays in Mont Kiara.

Wow. I can’t wait. I’ll be heading over to KLCC soon to meet him there.

Happy New Year!

Moving on

I have moved out of my aunt’s house. Actually it was all such a rush, but I managed to get my stuff over to my dad’s place and settle most of the other miscellaneous stuffs that I needed to do.

My father says that it is ok for me to stay over at his place but I mustn’t be home on weekends. Well, you know by the sound of it what his intentions are…. (I am too lazy to elaborate it here) but I feel kind of odd I guess

The past few days I’ve been living like a gypsy because I can’t move in with dad just yet. He asked me to move in only on the second because he wanted to “do things” before I move in. No prizes for the person who guesses what he meant.

Anyway, Its been really great that many of my friends have offered me a place at their house. I think I’m pretty tired moving around, but hey I’ve slept in 3 different beds in the span of only 3 days!

Yeah, I know it’s quite a sad case, but I’ll live through it. I’m learning many new things and I’ve come to know who my REAL friends are.

Wonder how New Year would be like.

Merry Christmas

When I was young, the no.1 thing I looked forward to during Christmas had got to be presents. Of course, any normal kid with a normal childhood would and life back then was pretty normal. Though I was shorter fatter geekier and had yet to grow a single strand of white hair, I was already a sucker for gifts.

As with all other children, the gifts I looked forward to are the gifts that actually serve some form of purpose. Gifts like ghastly shirts, weird shaped paper weights, photo frames, stationary (oh yuck... especially those people who give you erasers and rulers as though you couldn't afford them yourself), books that a kid at that age wouldn't understand, and of course not getting a gift at all; these sporadic occurrences were shunned upon.

Yes, I was materialistic. But it was normal to be back then

Other than presents, I also looked forward to one other thing... putting up a Christmas tree.

I know for a fact that the first Christmas tree I ever had was a table top Christmas tree. It was probably less than a feet tall (slightly shorter than my full body length at that time) and was made out of the usual plastic leaves. As the tree was so tiny we couldn't really fit many ornaments or put on any Christmas lights so we (by saying "we" I mean my mother and I as my brother and father were not too fond of such "hassles") just put on a few small ornaments and some streamers with the oh-so-compulsory star on the top.

Even the star was tiny. I could fit the whole star in the palm of my hand and yet still have room to spare.

When it came to putting presents under the tree, we actually had to put it BESIDE the tree haha... or on the floor. It was that small.

Later we bought Christmas lights just to decorate the tree further. The lights were multicoloured and 100 lights were sufficient to illuminate the whole tree. It was weird... there wasn't any real theme to the tree, just a normal multicoloured tree with many weird ornaments.

The REAL christmas tree only came years later when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I can't remember the exact age as it was so long ago, but I can remember who bought it for me. One of my uncles who was working with a hotel had promised to buy me a Christmas tree (he later turned out to be the uncle whom I stayed with for 5 years throughout the duration of my secondary school). I had been to his house, then in Klang Lama and was really awed by the size of his Christmas tree. Okay, it was only a 5 footer and yet for me it was perfect (again, let me emphasise that I was a very small sized human being at that age)

So I asked him if he could get me one, and he promised. But much later he forgot that promise so I told my mom about it... haha... and he bought the tree for me anyway.

A 5 footer, quadruple stand Christmas tree (I think it was modeled after a Canadian Pine but I can't be too sure)

For the first year we used the old ornaments. Again, the tree looked funny, and the 100 lights we had so faithfully reused over the years didn't do the tree justice. Insufficient lighting made it look really bare. Furthermore the ornaments we had were small but back then I was not so complacent as I am now (yeah... I know, I'm working on it!) but at least we got to put presents under the tree for the first time.

The second year however my mom said that we needed change. A big tree comes with a larger responsibility to ensure that it was decorated justly. That was when my mom took me to buy our very own set of Christmas ornaments. We bought many bells, streamers, lights, baubles and all the various assortments of ornaments. We had a theme; everything Gold... even the lights.

One thing remained, however. We never got a new Christmas tree star. We reused the old star so the tree looked a bit weird because it was so large and the star on top of it was so small. Nevertheless even back then I was good at decorating stuff so the tree didn't look too shabby. In fact I liked it so much that I didn't mind the chore of taking the tree out, assembling it and then decorating it only to dissemble it after Christmas and ship everything back into the store for next year.

It was beautiful. I can still remember how the tree looked like in its snug corner in the living room. I used to switch off the lights in the living room and turn on the tree lights and it would dazzle in the dark... I would just sit on the couch and stare at the tree (and the presents under it, of course) for hours not minding the mosquitoes which came to feast on my boy boy skin... yea I still remember being bitten really badly by mozzies because I sat there in the dark and watched the tree

Ah... the bliss of childhood...

I don't know how many times the tree came out on display but I know that its life was short. As you all would know (if you don't... now you do) I moved out of my house in 1997 and never returned to this day due to family problems and with that the tree was left in the store. I think my father may have tossed it out into the garbage for all he cared, but it doesn't matter anymore.

I've never really set up Christmas trees like the one I set up in my old house.

Now I find myself fretting less about what I get for Christmas. I've not been getting many presents ever since I moved out anyway but a few relatives still do give me angpau and chocolates which I am truly grateful for. However I've lost that anticipation for Christmas like many grown-ups have, where Christmas just becomes another event in the calendar. For me, Christmas is slowly becoming a routine rather than something to be celebrated... and of course you can't help but notice how commercial it has become.

Even when I was in Singapore I could feel it. The streets lighted up to arouse the "festive spirit", children and desperate parents scouting every store in search of the Christmas presents that they'll need for the year, Christmas carols ringing aloud in all directions, the ho-ho-ho man in a red suit occasionally breaking the silent-night and jingle-bells...

We throw elaborate dinners (and I've just attended one, which was very nice but nevertheless elaborate) decked with turkey pork chicken lamb beef mutton; basically all the meat that we usually eat... pies, cakes, chocolates, soups, stews... all the rich food that poor people in Africa don't even know about or have ever seen... we fret about not getting the things we want for Christmas and build up a long list of "wants" for Mr. ho-ho-ho just as a reminder that we must get this this this and that... we spend hundreds giving the "ultimate" gift to our loved ones, set up our Christmas trees and brag about how great a job we've done.. hang stockings up so that hopefully Mr. ho-ho-ho would put something inside...

We go out with our loved ones and play fireworks illegally, or just sit under the night sky and do all sorts of funny stuff with each other's bodies (hey I'm not suggesting anything, your imagination is what you choose it to be haha)...

And yet at the end of the day we forget what the true meaning of Christmas is.

We don't even buy him a cake though we lavish ourselves with one during our own birthdays or the birthdays of our loved ones.

I wish I could still see the "magic" in Christmas, about trees and presents and the whole lot, but I guess I can only do so if I have a child-like mind. After all, it is our children who remind us about laughter and how important it is to feel happy in this world... not to mention being happy about small little things such as putting up Christmas trees and tearing open present wrappers...

Merry Christmas to all of you, and happy birthday Jesus.

Sabah fish

My good PLU friend called me this morning and asked me over for dinner. Whoa. He said that he was going to cook.

I was a bit late as I had stuff to do but then he hadn't finished cooking even by the time I arrived. Actually, his mother and sister had come from his home town in Sabah and brought along some Sabah fish, prawns and crab meat.

When I was young I remember hearing from one of my aunts that the fish in Sabah is unlike any fish we can find over here in West Malaysia. The fish is fresher, taste is better, size is bigger... I've only ever tasted Sabah prawns but never Sabah fish

I think it is because the fish is caught from the clean seas surrounding Sabah, and is brought to the market fresh unlike those we get in West Malaysia which probably originated from Pahang or Kelantan hence wouldn't be very fresh.

Indeed, the fish that he was cooking didn't have the normal fishy smell that we associate with fish. And the prawns... wow lovely. The crab meat he used to cook corn soup.... He had two fish so he deep fried one and steamed the other...

We ate dinner together with his younger brother

Whoa... really delicious man... Damn geng

Seriously. The taste is so very different.... you've gotta try Sabah fish if you have the chance. He was saying that the prawns that he cooked were considered "small" but they looked pretty large to me. He showed me with his two hands, the approximate length of a "large prawn" and I was like, whoa...

The fish also was really large, and again he said that it is considered "small" in Sabah....

I'm so happy he invited me over for dinner. I'd probably not get any more chances to taste his cooking as I'm leaving soon.

Thanks so much!!! I LOVED THE DINNER!

Drained

Today a lady from Singapore called me. She was from a company to which I had sent an appeal for a scholarship roughly 6 months ago. She was calling me to invite me to an interview in Singapore. In other words, I qualify for the next round of selections. However I had to tell her that I was already a scholar for another company and hence had to decline the offer from that Singaporean company.

Seriously it was such a pity... I think I would have taken the Singaporean offer given the chance as it would enable me to work in Singapore. Not only would I get higher pay, I would also enjoy a higher standard of living and have a better portfolio (it is a government company and I would probably be placed under a managerial position for the duration of the bond)

Then again, I can't wait already. I've already been given this current scholarship and I will just proceed with what I have in my hand rather than hope for something that is still uncertain. I have to be happy with what I have

Anyway I can always work in Singapore once I finish my bond with my company.

I've realised that my savings account balance has dropped below RM100. I now have very little cash and I still owe my brother some cash. Also, my father has yet to reimburse me with the cost of my medical examination.

As I'm not working anymore less money is debited into my account. My dad has been giving me less and less each month and he thinks I don't notice but I have been monitoring the amount he gives me. I know for sure that it is not enough for me to live, and that has also contributed to a negative balance in my account.

I've not been spending like a millionaire; actually I've been eating really cheap food and haven't gone shopping for ages... so it’s the digital camera and the trip to Singapore which drained my savings.

Now I'm practically broke. I've never reached this stage before. Before this I always had several hundred Ringgit in savings at the very least. I'm trying to budget with the little amount of money that I have left and drinking liquids for meals as I can’t afford solid food.

I hope that I will get angpau for Christmas.... grrr...

Fast Pace

I admit that I've been meeting up with too many PLU's lately... in fact I think it is getting out of hand. Too many things are happening too fast and I am no longer in full control

I already told myself, I cannot commit myself to something citing the fact that I'm going off to Australia soon... I'm not ready to face another LDR and I know that it isn't right to play with another person's feelings by giving them false hope

Furthermore I can tell that more strings are getting attached than I intended to have. It is becoming complicated by the day and I know that some people are beginning to have feelings. That's not always a good sign if you aren't genuinely looking for someone.

Some people have subtly moved into my inner circle and I know that I am not strong enough to withstand the urge. I’ve tried everything and told myself everyday that it isn’t worth it but I find myself plunging back into that inner circle, like a nightmare.

When it gets out of control, will I be like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

It isn’t common for me to say that I am afraid of myself but now I think I am. I am afraid that subconsciously I would cause ruin to other people’s lives. I am afraid I may not have the know-how to get out of the situation that I’ve created. Keep things simple, I tell myself, and yet it has led to this mass of entanglement.

I may not be a full adult but it is already time for me to grow up and face the consequences of my actions...

I think the SG trip was a real eye opener. I learnt that in this life, we only want what is best for ourselves, save the fact that tomorrow the consequences of our choices may be dire. Instant gratification, instant happiness, instant relationships… these terms are all too common to us and yet we do nothing to combat these evils.

We are brilliant people. Smart and educated, creative and talented but the one thing that we all share in common is that feral need for attention. We all want to be noticed, even if it means for a few short seconds. Give a man a small bit of attention, and you keep him hungry for it for a lifetime

I know that I’ve never been happier… I know that so far, I’ve never seen so much of this life… I know that I want more of this, want to enjoy the feeling that I have now and yet I am afraid I may not be able to cope with the magnitude of the situation.

Am I adult enough?

I have learnt a great deal through these few occurrences. I have learnt that in my inner circle there are a certain few who have successfully deceived me. By not telling me their status, I have, undeniably, initiated what I shouldn't have, and done what I mustn’t do. People can be very cheesy. They say one thing and lead you to believe in something that you don't. Despite all you could know about a person, it still amazes me how much one can cast that magic spell and deceive you. I'm not talking about lies, but more about the act of not-telling-enough.

I told myself early that I am not going to give in to any feelings. I just cut it out whenever they stem, and hope that everything will go away

But along the way I have discovered that with the more I know that with the more contact I establish, the more the feelings will grow. We are like that. Humans are like that. We thrive in closeness and comfort, and when both are available, relationships occur.

Perhaps what some of my friends say is correct. By loving yourself and yourself alone you are saved from the perils of emotional attachment to another person.

I admit I am jealous. I admit that I am a selfish human being, and that I too have my needs. But I also admit that I am afraid.

My decision is to stop it before it goes any further. I will need to learn to detach from the current lifestyle that I am living. I have to know that I alone am in control of my destiny and if I want to safely depart I need to take the necessary action. I need to change.

Is this another step in my life where I am given the opportunity to grow up further?

Life is more important than pleasure. I know that from the bottom of my heart and yet I choose the latter over the former. Why can’t I be happy “just-because”?

I can, I know, because I have. And I’m going to do it again.

“本当に大切なもの以外, 全て捨ててしまえたら, いいのにね, 現実はただ残酷で”

Eventful day

Today I went for my visa health check.

I had left the house and sat a bus (yea my motor was still in the workshop) all the way to the LRT station until I realised that I had forgotten to bring my passport and passport-sized picture for identification. I had to take a taxi all the way back to my place, get the stuff and head back towards the LRT.. causing a 1 hour delay.

When I finally reached the panel doctor, it was 1.45pm. The stupid lady behind the counter refused to let me in as she said "we have to go for lunch break at 1pm, come back at 2pm". Grrr. So lazy. Why need lunch break when there are so many nurses and doctors. Never heard of shift meh.

So I decided to go for lunch. Had nasi goreng kampung and limau ais... regretting the decision later as my stomach began to boil...

The doctor was really rude. She literally asked me to "strip"... take off the necklace I was wearing la... take out my wallet and hand phone la... take off my shirt la... stand like this la.. breathe like that la... all just so that I could get my chest X-rayed.

The urine test was weird... she made me stand in a corner to urine. So embarrassing. I didn't drink much water and so I got a container full of yellow liquid... yuck yuck... ya I know.. I'm being gross.

And then there was the blood pressure and usual "probing" and "listening to breathing"

It was all over in 20minutes and cost me RM100. Gee. What an easy way to make money huh.

My friend picked me up and we went to fetch another friend in Puchong for yamcha in SS2. Ended up having McD's... before heading to collect my bike

My baby

Stupid man, asked me to pay RM50! Gosh... what to do... even I don't want to pay also have to pay... anything to get my baby back...

And once I got him, I felt whole again! :)

My cousins from Singapore and Seremban were all down in KL for a holiday so I decided to meet up with them. We went for dinner and my brother joined as well... the food was really great... prawns, tofu, chicken, vegetables, steamed siakap, petai... wah... very nice oh

They all wanted to go to the cybercafe to play DotA so I agreed to follow along. Actually I've never been inside a cybercafe that sells online gaming services so this was a first for me... really. The cyber was already packed by the time we got there and my five cousins plus my brother (six people in total) managed to get their respective computers and they went berserk killing one another on DotA... seriously, I don't see the point of the game nor find it enjoyable, but well, str8 guys will remain str8 I guess

The other people there were kinda rowdy and the music was really loud, not to mention the sounds from the games being played... I felt really out of place in there. Everyone seemed to be "in place" except me. I was kinda lost so I just watched my 11 year old cousin play his DotA against my other cousins, killing and getting killed repeatedly.

It was a full two hours before we headed home. I'm dead tired now.

But at least now I got my baby back! Tomorrow I'm going bowling with my cousins and bringing my digicam over... hope to snap some pics!

Bad luck

I managed to process my visa today. My eCOE (electronic confirmation of offer) from the university had arrived and so I was given the clearance to process the visa. I went to IDP and got the whole thing done, paying them RM85 as a service charge...

I will have to do a chest X-ray and a full medical examination tomorrow for DIMIA (Department of Immigration and Multicultural and Indigenous Affairs)

Then I went to Maybank to close one of my current accounts, and activated online banking service. On the way home I noticed that the back right signal was not functioning so I decided to take the motorbike to the shop for repairs.

The shop was in Kayu Ara, a good 5 minutes ride from my place.

I also thought it would be a good idea to change the spark plug as I have not changed it for a long time. When the guy pulled out the spark plug the top part of it got lodged in the cyllinder and he couldn't take it out. He said that he will have to remove the carburettor and dissemble the whole engine to retrieve the hat of the spark plug that got lodged inside... and it would take a whole day to do so...

At that point I was jumping up and down with frustration... so angry...

And then to rub salt in the wound, the mechanic said that in all his years of servicing motorbikes, this was the first time he came across a spark plug breaking up into pieces inside an engine... so you can imagine my embarrasment and escalating anger...!!!

It was probably because I hadn't changed the bloody thing for so long that it got rusty and it broke into pieces when the guy tried to yank it out... indeed the spark plug was brown all over instead of the normal white colour.

To top things up, I hadn't finished doing some stuff I planned to do today! And my motorbike was grounded at the workshop... grrr

That guy told me that I can collect the motorbike tomorrow. That means, no motorbike for me, and a large bill for repairs waiting to be paid... sigh

I decided to walk back from Kayu Ara to my condo and it took me roughly 45 minutes walking by the side of the SPRINT highway... with fumes in my face and the heat of the sun searing down my neck... arrgh

SO PISSED!

Later I'm going to have dinner and then watch Perhaps Love with one of my friends. He's coming to pick me up in 20 minutes (and I have to get ready soon) so I hope it will help to brighten things up abit.

Now I'm thinking how I'm going to get all the stuff I indended to do finished by tomorrow with that stoopid motorbike out of my reach...

GRRR... give me a hammer, I wanna break something...

Ugh.. back in Malaysia...

I'm back in Malaysia once more...

It was actually a forced decision to come back.. my uncle wanted to come for a holiday in Malaysia with his kids so I had to follow as nobody would be at home.

I couldn't meet up with many of my friends, some because I didn't have time and some because they were reluctant to meet me, but I did take many pictures while I was there

I think I took close to 1000 photos... each at 5.1Megapixel quality...

Funny how 10 days of comfort in Singapore make you feel lethargic once back on Malaysian soil... The roads are messier and more jammed, the air more polluted, less greenery around... I'm beginning to miss Singapore

How will I feel when I'm in Australia? I'll bet coming back to Malaysia after my studies will be a very sad occasion.

Haha... I'm getting the pics edited and hopefully I can load up some images. I'm now thinking about how I should upload the pictures, whether using Photobucket or MSN space. I'm more concerned about people stealing the pictures. Maybe I should learn how to use Flash...

Overall I had a good time in Singapore, though it could be better.

I MISS SINGAPORE!

Sim Lim

Ah. Lovely day! Sun shining, ECP full with cars as usual… ah..

(Oh ya, I forgot to mention that my Singaporean uncle’s apartment unit faces the ECP)

We went down to Suntec City, Raffles Place and Raffles Hotel today. My Singaporean aunt parked the car in one of the office buildings along Beach Road and we walked from there. The shopping malls were really boring, and things really expensive. Started to cruise around for cute guys but no success so far

Been trying out my digital camera and have obtained beautiful pictures

Me and my other cousin from Singapore, who is the same age as me went to Sim Lim Square. Actually Sim Lim is just like Lowyat in KL, but it is definitely bigger and better. They have many floors of computer shops selling everything under the sun suitable for the average home computer user to the professional web designer.

I bought my camera yesterday so I didn’t have time to get a memory card (and none came bundled with the camera) so I decided to find one in Sim Lim. After all, having a digital camera without memory would be practically a waste of time. I found my SD-memory card for only SGD$55.00 over there. That would be around RM20 cheaper than the ones I would buy in Malaysia.

I had also checked out the price of the rechargeable batteries but they were too expensive. Had to SMS Justin to check the prices back in Malaysia, and it was retailing at RM99 only versus SGD75 for the equivalent.

So now, I got most of the stuffs I need for my camera, save the tripod.

Took dozens of pictures with my new camera, and am contemplating on posting some of them up here.

Singapore here I come!

The day has finally arrived for me to leave for Singapore!

I went to Sg Wang to purchase my digital camera beforehand though. My friend had helped me to find the digital camera that I wanted for only RM1100. The retail price for the camera is currently at RM1399, so I thought it was a real bargain for me to buy the camera fast.

Actually I wanted to get the camera also so that I could snap some pictures in Singapore, but also because I knew that I will be in Singapore for a few weeks so the shop that sells the camera may not have it at that price when I return. I took out the cash from my bank account and walked to the camera shop in Sg Wang with a very large bulky pocket…

That was the first time I was meeting up with Justin, my friend and fellow scholar who will be going to Melbourne together with me.

When we arrived at the shop we found that the guy had only stock for one digital camera so Justin said that I should purchase the camera first as he worked there and would be easier for him to buy the camera when the stock was finally available… Happily bagging the camera I decided to treat Justin for lunch at a nearby restaurant which had really good western food, not to mention cheap food too. I had to rush back as I did not have sufficient time… my aunty who was going to fetch me to Singapore was already buzzing my phone asking about my whereabouts so that she could pick me up and we could leave

I left for Singapore at approximately 3pm. The North South Expressway only had light traffic and so we didn’t really have trouble. My uncle sped on the highway at 140kmph I think, because we were flying. We stopped by Seremban to pick up another cousin who was coming along with us too.

When we reached the Second Link, it was already 7pm. The jam at the Second Link was not that bad so we managed to clear customs within 30 minutes.

Ah. I will always remember the familiar scene of Singaporean roads.

Tree lined expressways, with four lanes on each side.

I felt so at home. LOL

We sped down the AYE (Ayer Rajah Expressway) but there was a traffic jam from Clementi all the way to Rochor. Apparently it was the Friday weekend jam, nothing really much, but unlike the jams we have in KL, the cars were still moving albeit slowly.

We reached the Benjamin Shears bridge at around 7.45pm and finally Marine Parade, my uncle’s apartment at around 8pm. The ECP (East Coast Parkway) was not jammed at all so we had a smooth ride, under the canopy of beautiful rain trees along the ECP.

My Singaporean uncle had cooked roast chicken and vegetables for dinner, and it was a nice meal… We didn’t really do much until now… At least right now I have internet access!

Tomorrow, the real action begins.

BRING IT ON!

Singapore

The day has finally arrived! Tomorrow I shall be going off to Singapore with my aunt!

I have yet to pack but I've already got my currency. I have a list in my mind of what I wish to buy and the places I wish to visit... ooh it will be such a grand occasion!

I will even try to drop by JB to visit my God-bro and hopefully have lunch with him.

I have decided not to buy the digital camera as I have found a friend who can get it at supplier's price for me. The total cost should be around RM1100, which is several hundred Ringgit cheaper than the retail price, and he can also get stuff such as memory cards, tripods and batteries for a cheap price

He is getting the same model, coincidently, so we might just get more discount as we buy two cameras...

Soon I will be a proud owner of a digital camera! But that would also mean that I won't be able to snap pictures in Singapore as I wouldn't have received the camera by then. Oh well.

I plan to visit PC fair tomorrow before I leave for Singapore. Initially the plan was to get the digicam there but now that my friend is helping me to buy, I can now concentrate on buying other gadgets. I will get a thumb drive and probably good headphones, as well as check out the prices of laptops over there. Probably I would want to buy some other small stuff like CD-R's.. but I don't think the necessity is there at the moment.

I can't wait to go to Singapore!!!

And oh, today is World AIDS day. Guys and girls, get a condom if you wanna have sex. Let us help prevent the spread of AIDS

DO YOUR PART!