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Sorrento

Friday, August 31, 2007

Test

Taking into account the developments in the past 1 year, with a major revamp to Permanent Residency and Citizenship hurdles, it starts to look as though all those petty immigrants who come over here are looking less and less welcomed. Take for instance the proposed citizenship test where a future citizen must get 12 out of 20 questions correct before they are allowed citizenship.

Sample questions include “In what year did the European settlement of Australia start?”, “What is the floral emblem of Australia?” and “Who is the Queen's representative in Australia?”. These are not just ordinary multiple choice questions that any high school kid can answer. In fact I’m starting to wonder how many people born and bred in Australia all their lives, are able to answer all these questions correctly. Does it make you un-Australian if you didn’t know that Acacia pycnantha is the national flower? And that 1st September is National Wattle Day?

What if you didn’t even know the difference between a ‘brigalow’ and a ‘mulga’, or why Gum trees are really called gum trees, or that there are three levels of government in Australia, or that a pobblebonk is really a frog and a dunny is really a toilet, or that Mt Kosciuszko was named by a Polish man, Paul Edmund de Strezlecki? (Fancy spelling those names for your citizenship test!) Does that make you less Australian? What IS Australian btw, when Australia is made up of such a diverse range of people from different backgrounds whose combined heritage has contributed to the meaning of the word?

I understand the strict requirements for a certain standard of English because it is important that people who stay here speak the language where in some places is the only language ever spoken, but often the language barrier is a main hurdle faced by many people who do not come from English speaking backgrounds. The implications of these screenings may not be great to Australia but are certainly important for those who seek to escape the strife of their motherland.

I also fail to understand how a person can be judged as being un-Australian based on some pro-white view of the world and of Australia? I would not be surprised if this test is made without any representation or views from the other levels of society (okay, yes, I mean ‘coloured’ people). And just so you know, the Europeans were not the first to discover Australia (sorry Captain Cook, you were late by at least 40,000 years).

Next thing you know, they’ll be asking questions like, “It is okay for people to climb Uluru and snap pictures at the summit. True/False”. No prizes for guessing what the recommended answer will be.

The citizenship test proposal was conceived to ensure that future migrants will be able to integrate better and adopt ‘Australian values’ during their stay here. Truth is, if you are judged based on the amount of information you know out of a text book and your only motivation to learning all the material in it is to get that passport, then we all know how effective it will be in getting people to integrate.

The people who are proposing this test are forgetting about other aspects of multiculturalism. What about the diversity of languages used in the media? What about the representation of coloured people in Parliament or even local councils here? John So may be the mayor of Melbourne but the real power and decision making lie with the people who work in the same office as him (all coincidently colourless). He remains to this day, the Mascot Mayor.

Multiculturalism cannot be represented in a highly polarised society.

I’ll be quick to point out that there are increasing amounts of first-hand migrants to Australia (especially overseas students) who fail to integrate into society. Also those migrating as refugees, escaping war torn countries and abuse in their homeland; how well these people are coping with the whole idea of ‘being Australian’ remains unclear, but I know from experience that it is very scary and hard to be on the minority end of the scale, and as such many people resort to familiarity and escape the need to mingle with the rest of society for fear of rejection and other differences.

But multiculturalism does not mean having a large ethnic diversity in your cities, huddled away in their own respective ghettos shopping in their own specialist stores hanging around with their own types and completely alienating every one else. Nor does it mean the coloured and the colourless all living together in the same city in peace love harmony with no race riots.

Who’s fault is it that FAMA funded students come here to stay in overpriced ghettos, presumably knowing little of what lies outside CitySaver boundaries (or ski resorts for that matter), who refuse to take one step further and make friends with the Aussie bloke who sits next to you in class? Probably many people are at fault, but the fact remains that little is being done to tackle the problem of non-integration between migrants and locals apart from coming up with this shonky test.

A citizenship test would probably cause further division of such complex social structures because it sets out clear utilitarian views about who’s-who and what’s-what.

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Language

There’s legislation in place to protect those who look ‘different’ from the colourless, or who do not share the same basic cultural upbringing, religion and/or belief. But where do we draw the line between cultural sensitivity and insult?

Take my lecturer for instance. It took him two months before he worked out that English was my first language and that he didn't need to pronounce his words like a 5-year-old when talking to me. The poor old man, bless him, but it brings me to the point about stereotypes and issues with language and culture.

Where I come from, people don't pretend to speak a language. They just do. There's no monoculture when it comes to communication; I myself can speak three languages fluently (and two dialects not so fluently but it gets me my cup of coffee and newspaper in the morning). Very rarely is a person monolingual; even rarer is a language learnt for reasons other than for daily use (yes my dear chingkophiles, learning a new language so you can go for a 6 month exchange to China does not count you as being multilingual). Every extra language you speak is an extra opportunity to build networks in the business community and meet new people.

Don’t forget about the added advantages of being able to order better food than the average English speaking tourist (hell yes, food is important!). Kuey teow daging kering tambah mata kerbau tak mahu sayur tak mau si-ham pedas sikit tambah belacan kalau ada dan teh-O ais limau kurang manis dengan sikit ais. Fried noodles, and a drink, you say?

Many assume that I am inept and passive (until I launch into jargon-spewing speeches with the heaviest Okka accent I can administer). Just because I have narrow eyes it doesn't mean that I don't have a mouth to speak.

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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Stress

Stress

Stress

Headache

Panadol

Toilet

Breaks

Give

Comfort.

Work

Work

Money

Unhappiness

Crowded

Trams

Full

Of

Bogans.

Laughter

Comes

Hard

But

Not

Grey

Hairs

And

Uncontrolled

Fits.

Stress

Heartburn

Vomit

Blood

Starvation

And

Sleep

Deficiency.

Test

Test

Every

Week

Exam

Gives

Headache

Study

Stress

Pain

In The Neck.


I

Want Out.

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

Feet

A very pretty ad, with a cool soundtrack and pretty colours. You'll only know what its about at the end of the ad!

Enjoy.

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Puss

Again, another pic of pusscat.

(That hairy hand is not mine!!! It belongs to the angmoh!)

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Shame

People accuse me of being racist, being sticky towards my own group of Malaysian people who come to this country as cash cows to help out the poor impoverished students who otherwise can't afford to help the university meet its spectacular seven digit budget, and yet at the same time there are those who remain within their ghettos of supremacy of all that is white and freckled, all that is blond blue green brown and hazel, who only want to mix around with others who resemble themselves closely and those who share in their ideals and upbringings.

'I only speak/hang out/ make friends/ have sex with other caucasians". Now, isn't that the same as calling me pulut hitam? Hypocrites.

Oh and BTW just so you know I’ve had sex with more colours than the rainbow flags you see on Pride day.

Although my English speaking skills which are comparable if not better than many of those out there, I still get people speaking to me slowly and a-little-too-clear-for-my-liking as though English is some form of gibberish in my dictionary. I love bitch-slapping them back with a whole string of words, usually derogatory, spoken in the fastest manner a Malaysian like myself can possibly speak, sometimes sending them reeling across the floor in shock and disbelief.

Yes, I realise I have a tan, and it is inbuilt. Genetic. I didn't ask for it. I didn't buy it at Safeway with my credit card. It's natural. Same with my narrow eyes, black hair, dark brown irises, small nose, low brow and flat forehead. All the better for you to tell me apart from the rest of the crowd, innit?

It must feel so good when you look different from me, because you link this look to that of 3rd World hardship and barbaric mentalities. What's the word for it? Oh yes. 'Uncultured', you say. In comparison with your melanoma-plastered skin and fake blond hair?

Rotten mangosteen. Give us back that Malaysian made computer of yours. And the sofa. And the plasma TV. And the…

If you can't accept that difference, nor step out of your blond haired mentality and face the fact that you're just jealous that I can do so many things that you have to strive so hard to do (such as keeping a small waist and an almost permanent tan with no fuss at all), then perhaps you belong there together with the rest of your mates who also love wallowing in the ‘exclusive’ pit with other grandmother-smelling cunts.

You like noodles, you say?

“Selective exclusion” may be alive and well in Australia, but it’s not coming from my Malaysian tight and firm arse. I'm fucking studying here long-term, I have friends from all ethnicities and religious affinities, and I have my angmoh. Your turn.

(Oh and pity cause I’m really fucking good in bed)

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

That's Me!bourne

Here's another TV-spot for your viewing pleasure. This was an effort to promote Melbourne city to the world in 2006. Enjoy.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Childhood

WheelGoing around perpetually in circles without cause or meaning. In the distance, the blinding light of man made structures is enveloped within the pitch blackness of the sky. Loneliness beckons; silence is his muse.

Chill. Shivers travel the length of my fingertips. The body is sensitive to delicate nuances of an indecisive environment.

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Friday, August 10, 2007

Random

Taking the 8.14 now. It's funny how I've ascended 10mins up the commuter que and yet the carriage is still packed as ever. This is how they do it because they can.

Warm dry air. The mercury says 16 but it feels like 25. I've not been able to walk around with shorts and no shirt to hide my airport runway for almost 5 months now, but it feels like forever since I last carried my doona out to catch what little sun that was left. Caterpillars are back; whole clumps of Agonizanthus flavidus have been defoliated.

$6. That's the price you pay to get cheap food. Two dollops of gooey gunk with unidentifiable pieces of brown stuff floating in it and green bits chopped up into a mush and presented with soy sauce. I've become immune to bad food; I no longer have fits on the floor after lunches.

There's nothing on in the Rowdy. 盛夏茪哖? Fun. I've got 4 hours to kill and I'm just sitting here staring into DNA thinking about my own measurements. I can't make up my mind; one moment I want to be 31 185 78 and the next I want 27 171 64. Yes, these are actual measurements of people (take a guess who). Lady in front of me barks. I accidentally toppled her water bottle with my Zac Efron limbs while busy deciding if purple cashmere goes with pink flannel.

Miyazaki. Funny skinny Japanese character running around womanising girls. It's interesting how the Whites are the villans that must be eliminated. Maybe he's trying to say FUCKYOU to those Americans who so unskillfully dub his DVD's and act as though they understand Japan better than the Japanese themselves. Main character is actually freaking hot. I'm getting attracted to CG-humanoids?

Burger King has upped its ante by adding more burgers to its already humongous burger list. Fatty fries that will make even Homer happy. Bloody coke machine is all out of the stuff, so no free refills. My grubby fingers grab away at the chips in front of me. I'm in hell's heaven.

A mind of his own. Taking a 3.5-hour walk to goodness knows where I'm left with my own insecurities about his whereabouts. Hastily open the window in the hope he'd jump in and sure enough a loud 'thud' moments later to signal his return, then three purrs for food. So characterisic pusscat, hasn't changed a bit since I've met him 11 months ago, except for an expanding waistline due to pampering from the big boss.

Well matched suit to quell the straight boys. Unbuttoning five seems to be taken very seriously. People are asking me those sort of questions again and I feel like smashing my turd into their faces. Birthday party girl is playing MIA yet again. No smoke, instead sourish scents of the Orient. Golden malau on the dance floor. This place is 99.99999999% InternationalAsianstudents, myself adding to the statistic. You can tell because they're either with JD or with Chivas or both. These straight boys/girls are more insecure than the drags at Xchange. I need to sit down but idiot lala-mui takes up three seats with her anorexic bottom and a LV the size of a body bag. Yes biatch here comes my fat ass to invade the couch; talk to the HugoBoss cause the middle finger ain't listening. $8.50 Blonde stubbies anyone??!

I spell R-I-P-O-F-F on the wall using JD but no one admires my work of art; even the bouncers are too busy carting away comatose dunks.

Five days without internet and I already need my fix. TPG is doing what everyone is doing, taking their time. Speed. Speed. Speed. Where art thou. Millions of unchecked mail sitting in my inbox, delight replaced with IDontKnowWhatButIKnowThisFeelingSucks. All but three are spam; Three non-spam mail requesting I settle outstanding debts asap. The world misses me this much.

The boyfriend is astonished that the baby can grow to 6m. Well that's in Melbourne; give it tropical and we're talking 12m or more. Ficus aurea a.k.a. STRANGLING FIG in Horse Bazaar, with two of his friends; I'm left to stare at the fluorescence emitted from five wall mounted projectors and doodle invisible scowls on the rotting furniture. Ficus aurea is bending towards the window in frantic search of better quality wavelengths, almost as if to shun the projectors. Stale beer on the floor. Weirdo fartsybartsy people look at me as though I'm a threat to their existence, unconcerned with the amount of visible dandruff scales they leave on their MelbourneBlack outfits.

Potty is finally out; the drama is over (THANK GOD). Successfully fending off potential spoilers (by banning them on MSN) and screaming at girls on the tram who couldn’t stop talking about who died, I managed to keep the suspense to myself... that is, until I discovered that there was none. Sure a bunch of people died but you can tell even JK wants the story to end, the way she wrote it. Anticlimax with a capital 'K'. Severus, my favourite, is once more largely unmentioned. Borrowing is a good idea if you don’t want to contribute to JK’s pension. Reading HP is like driving a ute or watching straight porn; even if it’s your first and last, you still have to try it.

Winning lottery combination is.... who cares. Fat old unemployed people maybe, but I'm more concerned about global warming and all that shit. Bungle in Haneef's case. We're becoming more afraid like the Americans; coloured people who own dead SIM cards are a threat to national security?? Perhaps reverse apartheid in South Africa is trying to tell us something about cultural sensitivity and prejudice.

Aspirin. Sometimes killing the headache is more difficult than living with it. Where's my energy? Tea is the second most important beverage next to coffee. Note taking has its moments; "Three Steps to Gain An Erection: an Anatomical Overview".

8.24 again. I'm back to the old times because Connex has obligingly delayed three trains. Gay boy twirling his hair and biting his nails. Train arrives surprisingly empty; where are all the people?

Oh right; dream. Hot shower awaits.

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Thursday, August 09, 2007

জন গণ মন

জনগণমন-অধিনায়ক জয় হে ভারতভাগ্যবিধাতা!
পঞ্জাব সিন্ধু গুজরাট মরাঠা দ্রাবিড় উৎ‍‌কল বঙ্গ
বিন্ধ্য হিমাচল যমুনা গঙ্গা উচ্ছলজলধিতরঙ্গ
তব শুভ নামে জাগে, তব শুভ আশিস মাগে,
গাহে তব জয়গাথা।
জনগণমঙ্গলদায়ক জয় হে ভারতভাগ্যবিধাতা!
জয় হে, জয় হে, জয় হে, জয় জয় জয়, জয় হে॥

জনগণমন-অধিনায়ক জয় হে ভারতভাগ্যবিধাতা!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Thai Harder

Another really good ad, for Yellow Pages. Enjoy.

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