Checkup

I finally received my letter of employment for my next job: Laboratory Assistant!

I'm so going to enjoy this job! Can you imagine... dealing with centrifuges and autoclaves, DNA-fingerprinting and cell mass extraction, colorimeters and gel-electrophoresis, spectronometers and cuvettes... gosh...

But the pay is rather low. Sigh.

Anyway, as they say, better the fulfillment and happiness than the money and unhappiness haha.

The only problem now is that I don't have EPF or SOCSO accounts. My new employer has requested for the account numbers but I was unable to give them to her, so I called up my former Cafe Manager to ask for it. To my surprise, I found out that I didn't have both the accounts! My previous employer should have opened the accounts for me because under the law, any company hiring workers is required to create an account for their employees within seven days of employment. I took this from the EPF website online:

Seksyen 43(2)
Kesalahan: Mana-mana majikan yang gagal membayar caruman kepada Lembaga KWSP caruman bagi pihak mana-mana pekerja pada atau sebelum 15 haribulan bulan berkenaan adalah melakukan kesalahan dan jika sabit kesalahannya boleh dipenjarakan tidak melebihi tiga tahun atau denda tidak melebihi RM10,000 atau kedua-duanya sekali

Seksyen 48(3)
Kesalahan: Mana-mana majikan yang memotong caruman pekerja daripada upah pekerja dan gagal membayar jumlah wang yang dipotong itu atau mana-mana bahagiannya kepada Lembaga Kumpulan Wang adalah melakukan kesalahan dan jika sabit kesalahannya boleh dipenjarakan tidak melebihi enam tahun atau denda tidak melebihi RM20,000 atau kedua-duanya.

So, the company will be liable for prosecution. I have to bring this up with the HQ tomorrow and fight this case. They have deducted money from my salary for EPF and SOCSO contributions but I do not have an EPF account, hence, they are liable for both these penalties.

If they have deducted money from my salary but I didn't have an account, means the cash is still floating within the company. They should have opened the account for me and given me my account book but until today, even two weeks after I ceased employment with my previous employer, I have yet to receive any of these documents.

Can you believe what my former Cafe Manager told me? She said that I should go to the EPF and SOCSO offices and open the account myself. And when I have the account numbers, submit them to her so that she can forward it to the HQ and the monies be deposited accordingly. Who does she think I am?? An office boy running around to do errands??

I may be young but I'm not that silly. I will get them to open it for me. It’s their responsibility.

Tomorrow, the HQ of my previous company will be facing the full wrath of Jer. I will get to the bottom of this and make sure whoever's responsible for this matter pays for it.

Back to today. My employer requires me to undergo a full medical checkup before I am "officially" employed. Of course, it is more of a protocol than a safety measure.

The medical checkup was fully paid for and I only needed to submit a letter given to me by the HR department. First, the nurse told me to stand on a weighing machine to record my weight and after that my height. I discovered that I am only 175.5cm! Gosh! And of course, I weigh 65kg.

Now I have to update all my profiles and tell everyone that my previous measurement of 180cm was incorrect. Haih. I thought so much that I was tall.. but now...

Imagine, I have to change my passport also! It states that I am 182cm! Gosh. What happened to the measurement then!

Then she proceeded to check my eyes with the most obscure way imaginable. The nurse asked me to stand across a room full of patients waiting to see the doctor, and read aloud a few small letters on the wall opposite. I was so embarrassed! Gosh. I felt like a primary school kid being forced to do math in front of the class!

But the next part was the most humiliating. Again, in front of ALL the people in the waiting area, she handed me this little obscure container with a yellow cap and told me in a very loud voice that I was to pee inside this container and fill it up until just above a mark on the container for my urine sample. Imagine all the stares I got from the other patients as I quietly and obediently made my way to the toilet holding the container in my hands....

I was wondering whether I could come up with a urine sample, citing the fact that I hadn't drank much water earlier today... but I gave it a push and eventually I got what I wanted...

Walking out of the toilet was equally embarrassing... I think I was blushing as I made my way across the ward and placed the container onto a desk. Of course, there's nothing to be ashamed of a urine sample, but then again, after being "told" in the way that the nurse had instructed me... I felt well... embarrassed.

Then I went to get a chest X ray. Gosh. Must have killed many innocent cells. I think I'll die of cancer one day. I’ve had to take so many X-rays ever since I had my first motorcycle accident two years back.

The doctor then questioned me about my family's medical history and the other usual questions such as whether I was allergic to any type of drug and my eating/drinking habits. The full body examination turned out to be just a top-body examination. All the doctor did was just place the stethoscope on my chest and back, asking me to breathe, as well as pressing areas of my tummy and asking if I felt painful.

I've never had a medical examination before, this being my first. All I can say is that it was truly a funny (and embarrassing) experience. The part where I was supposed to strip down to nothing didn't happen heheh

Other than that, life's pretty good. I managed to get the offer letters and the undergraduate package to University of Melbourne today, from IDP. Was so dazzled reading it that now I really hope that I get to go to Australia. Then again, I'm trying my best not to hinge all my hopes on Mahathir so as to protect myself from getting depressed should the offer not come through.

Anyway, tomorrow's a new day. Wonder what interesting things I will learn tomorrow :)

Shopping spree

I have bought more than I intended to buy. So far, I have bought five shirts. I also bought a cologne for myself and will be receiving a new pair of contact lenses soon too.

But not before I purchase a watch and a pair of glasses :)

It has been a productive week for me; I have met up with many people so far. Most of these people are online friends whom I've known for quite some time but never had the chance to meet face to face before this. I have also gone to many places that I have not been for a long time, such as Sg Wang and Times Square. Needless to say, I've been having loads of fun playing outside.

Only drawback is, all the traveling is killing me and my poor motorbike haha

Today I parked right in front of the McDonalds outlet in Bukit Bintang, where all the other motorcycles were parked. Unfortunately for me when I was about to go home, I discovered that my left side mirror was missing from its perch. Someone had ripped it off the stand and the stub was all that remained of my poor side mirror.

Now I have trouble turning left or changing lanes as I cannot see behind me on my left. I need to get a new set of mirrors soon before I run into the path of an angry cement mixer or what not. But that will cost me more cash... T_T

Gosh.

I've never seen cash flee my wallet so fast! In this one month... lets just say that I've spent quite a fair sum

And this saturday I will be having my doctor's appointment. Meaning, another RM300 or so gone... thank God this RM300 can be claimed back from my father.. otherwise I don't know how I will deal with it..

I've met many new friends and a few can now be considered as close friends. I think I'll enjoy the coming weekend for sure.

Never been happier :)

Compacted day

I wanted to back out of the meeting with Tun because I was so afraid of meeting him. Further more, I was very stressed about the whole issue and constantly asked myself whether the pain was worth it.

As I had posted before, I felt pushed to do this. I felt forced to do it.

So I was ready to say, I don’t want to meet Mahathir and I don’t want this scholarship. But before I said that, I said a simple prayer to God and asked him for direction.

The very next day my father called and I told him about my plan to reject this offer and not attend the interview. Of course, a natural response from him was puffs of anger expressed in harsh sentences across the phone.

My brother had heard me speaking to my father on the phone as I had answered it in the room. And immediately after I had hung up, my brother started talking to me in a way that he never has; he started talking to me as equals.

He told me about himself. He told me about how foolish I would be to give this up. He told me a great deal of things which I will not share here (partly because it was meant for me and not for anyone else, and partly because it was a lot of things). He continued speaking to me, not in a harsh manner but in a very brotherly manner, and asked me to reconsider my decision to reject this opportunity. He spoke for about an hour and a half.

And immediately after, my aunt from Singapore called on his handphone and requested to speak to me. Again, she presented her case to me with backing up from her husband.

But the important part about all the “speeches”, if you may, was that none of them told me that I MUST go for this interview and I MUST get it. They all told me, do what your heart feels is right. You can fail yes, but failure is ok if you had tried. Better to try than to not try at all.

I thought about it through and through. And then I remembered the prayer I had asked God the previous night…. It went something like this:

“Dear God, I am unsure what to do with my life. Please send me guidance and help me seek a way out of this. God, I believe that you will show me the way out of this, and I thank you for all the blessings You have granted to me.”

And in less than 24 hours, three people had persuaded me to reconsider my thoughts about dropping the scholarship.
***
You will never be able to describe the feeling of being able to meet Yang Amat Berbahagia Tun Mahathir bin Mohamed.

Should you feel elated that of all the million people in Malaysia, he wants to see YOU? Or should you feel scared of meeting such a influential and opinioned person? Or should you feel proud that you have this opportunity given to you so easily whilst other people with higher ranks than you have to wait months on end before they can even afford a 5 minute meeting with Tun? Will you feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task, or feel fearful to meet him in person?

I felt all these feelings at the same time.

15 minutes was all I was given, and yet, it was one of the most important 15 minutes of my life.

When I entered his office at the Perdana Leadership Foundation, immediately I went blank. All the rehearsal and all the notes in front of me melted into pulp. I couldn't think about what I wanted to say, nor articulate my thoughts so that I don't start talking mumbo-jumbo.

Because merely seeing the man in person is overwhelming enough. He just sat there in his chair, silently smiling at me. He wanted ME to talk to him about my dreams and aspirations. It took me a few seconds to gather my thoughts and take a deep breath before I went on my-style; babbling all I could about why I wanted the scholarship, my purpose of meeting him, my dreams and aspirations... He didn't ask me many questions; in fact for most of the time I found myself talking.

He told me that he will recommend me to JPA and hopefully they’d award me a scholarship. I thanked him and cordially left the room, not having a chance to ask him for his autograph as I had planned earlier; his secretary suggestively ushered me out of the room. There was another person after me, so I guess that he had a tight schedule today.

On the way home from Putrajaya my heart leapt with joy. Not only had I done out what I had set to do, but I had also met the man in person. I have been given the opportunity that not many people get. To talk to Mahathir as equals. Of course, he and I are both humans, and although I treat him with undue respect and praise his achievements, I believe that we both are not very much different from the human point of view.

I felt so relieved that it was finally over.

15minutes with him, 3 weeks of preparation.

Now all I have to do is just sit back, relax, and hope for the best. I have done all that I could, with help from my father and help from my relatives in Singapore. Finally, after all the sweat, toil and nervousness, I have overcome this barrier in life. Now I can safely say that in 40 years time (if I survive until that age, that is) I will NOT look back on my past and say that I did not take up this opportunity. I can safely say that I tried my best, regardless of whether I actually obtain this scholarship or not. The most important thing is that I tried.
How many people can say that they’ve met Tun and more importantly, talk to him as equals?

I decided to celebrate this day with an outing to Frangipani, a bar in Changkat Bukit Bintang.

Had a good time, as well as a few suggestive looks from cute people.

I'm going clubbing again today!

Change

Everybody will be given many opportunities to change their life. To take another turn, to change one's destiny.

The true gift is in realising that sometimes there are such opportunities right in front of you. All you gotta do is get up from your seat, reach out, and grab them before they slip away.

Funny to think that something so easily said is not necessarily easily done.

Know

Sometimes it is good to know that there are things more important than fear itself.

And for that, I've made a decision.

Tomorrow is the beginning of my new life.

There will be an answer.

I just want to be happy.

That's all I want. Happiness.

Isn't that what everyone is looking for?

Increase in market price...

When you know your market spikes... it can necessarily be a good thing...
or bad.

Click here if you want to know what I mean.

By the way, I redirected all Axcest mail to the spam folder because I didn't want it to clog my inbox.

So, in the span of over a day, I have received this many emails.

Most of them have asked me to be friends, a few left contacts and some.. well.. you know what I mean.

Anyway, it has been a great day, yesterday and today. I went to return my uniform to my Assistant Cafe Manager yesterday. Most of the café staffs were there, save one or two. There was one new Malay guy, apparently he had joined the family of waiters on Monday. He looked slow and inattentive, qualities that do not go hand in hand with waiters. Then again, who am I to judge? Haha.

I went to the restaurant next door to have tea and French Toast with my Assistant Café Manager. We had a very good chat about PLU’s and our experiences with the lot. After chatting for about two hours, I found out that he’s not such a good guy after all haha..

Then I went to my friend’s house to get my haircut. He’s a 18 year old guy who is currently studying hairdressing, so he’s no pro, but he had offered to cut my hair for me about a week ago.

His clipper had not been charged so he had to trim my sides manually. All in all, the haircut took about 2 hours and 20 minutes. I actually fell asleep at the chair for a bit.. it was very tiring to keep sitting there for such a long period. Initially the haircut was a bit drab but he amended it and now it isn’t so bad after all.

He gave me this wax to use… Tony & Guy wax, which his friend bought from Thailand for him. Apparently it cost RM60. But oh it was good… it was in a stick form so goodbye-dirty-hands, moreover it was scented and had a very tangy scent. Loved it. I think if I go to Thailand I must go find it.

Now my hair looks like this:



Thanks Danny!!!!!! Love the hair to bits!

Today I’m going to buy some expensive clothes at discounted rates. Or rather, I’m going to check them out and see if I will buy them haha. Feeling happy and very elated, hope this feeling will last forever.

Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

Don’t look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it’s hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I’m so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can’t bring me down
So don’t you bring me down today

To all your friends, you’re delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That’s the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won’t bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won’t bring you down
Don’t you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won’t stay
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won’t always shine
(sun won’t always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won’t bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can’t bring us down
Don’t you bring me down today

Don’t you bring me down today
Don’t you bring me down today

Bring it on

I need to take charge of my life.

I need to know what I want from life, and how I'm going to go about it.

I need to make decisions but I need to allow God to guide me.

I need to believe that He WILL guide me.

I need to accept that the world is not perfect.

I need to accept what I have been given by God and not demand for more.

I need to love the people who love me and not expect anything in return.

I need to stop stressing myself over unnecessary burdens.

I need to give myself time to recover from bad times and not push myself too hard.

I need to stop expecting things from life.

I need to work on my strengths and not be afraid of failure.

I need to know that I cannot be perfect.

I need to remember that there will always be other people out there better than myself.

I need to find a way to stop thinking negatively.

I need to know how to leave my past behind.

I need to stop finding excuses for myself.

I need to give myself second chances, and give others second chances too.

I need to know how to stop complaining.

I need to know how to be happy.

I need to remember that life is so much more than this, and I only need to give it a chance.

I need to believe that there's a way out of this.

I need to believe that I can do it.

I need to know that the only person out there who can help me is myself.

Confused

Again, it comes without warning. Just as I had fun over the past few days, I am beginning to feel the same feelings as before.

The same dark feelings.

Frankly at this point I don't know what to do with my life. I remember when I was a kid I kept telling myself, yes, I'll do biology, yes I'll do R&D, yes I'll die a scientist. But now, when I have to make the decision for real, I'm doubtful of my choices.
Because now, the decision will thoroughly affect my next 40 years of work.

I am thinking of taking a degree for the qualification, and then upon graduation I will work in an unrelated field. You see, I don't want to work in a lab for the rest of my life. In fact, the very thing I want is to meet new people and travel to places. I want to deal with people and I want to be an administrator.

I have many friends who are already working and I have heard many success stories. There are even a few who do not possess a basic undergraduate degree and yet they are doing well. I guess the most important thing to note here is that they enjoy their jobs and are happy with life as it is. They don't get six digits per month nor do they drive big cars. Their life is pretty ordinary, and yet they are happy.

Why? Because they have found the very job that they enjoy doing.

I need to know what I want in life.

For me, I like meeting new people. I like dealing with different situations, and traveling to places. I like challenges and opportunities. I like jobs which allow me the opportunity to meet many respected individuals.

I will not get this with Biology or Biotechnology if I go into R&D.

I'm scared of making a decision that will affect my life. I don't know where I should go from here. I don't know direction or sensibility. I'm chaotic.

Where do I go from here? I’m lost.

What do I want to do with my life???

Mid Autumn

Yesterday was my last day working in the café. I had submitted my resignation to my manager exactly two weeks before, as we need to give two weeks notice before resignation. Anyway, it was a good day at work. It wasn’t a busy day, and all my colleagues were also very nice to me, knowing that it was my last day.

The Assistant Supervisor of my café gave me a complementary meal and I was allowed to choose from anything in the menu. I chose a beef burger, together with a banana milkshake. Gosh, the food was fabulous. Furthermore while I was having the meal we ordered more drinks from the restaurant next to us; almond tea, coconut tea and French Toast Hong Kong style. I was stuffed to the maximum.

Soon it was time to leave, and as a “warm” farewell, my colleagues smeared some chocolate sauce on my hand and sprayed me with tap water… haha… it was all with good wishes.

Not long after that I was walking free from the shopping complex and finally tasting freedom once again. I know that I would probably not be doing F&B in the future so I guess the feeling was mixed; I felt both ecstatic to leave the job that has taken up much of my free time and paid me low wages, but also a sense of loss, that this would be one of my last experience in the F&B line in the near future.

To celebrate, I had earlier arranged with a friend of mine for a party. I went straight home to bathe and change before I headed to his house. He stays in one of those mid-70’s shop houses in KL where you need to climb up stairs to get to the place.

It was a very small unit, moreover situated in a not-so-glamourous place. He told me that his parents had bought the unit long ago and previously had rented the place out to a relative. Now he and his younger brother live there. It was not bad actually; it had four rooms and a bathroom, with a small kitchen at the back. The hall was small but very homely, and with the way that the house was laid out, you could tell that it was a very warm home. Although it was a very old house, the walls were clean and painted, and the floor was dust free. Naturally the décor was quite good as well. The only bad thing about the place is that ventilation is poor. My friend, didn’t open the windows in his room because to do so would mean suicide; as his unit is near the city centre, dust was plentiful. Opening windows to let dust in would be a nightmare. The result? You have a sauna-home. Great if you love sweaty sex haha

My friend is a fond fan of Doraemon. His room is stacked with Doraemon merchandise, from little figurines to posters and soft toys. He had also many pictures of himself and of others, aside posters of Phua Chu Kang and famous Chinese filmstars.

Needless to say, I loved the décor.

Actually this was the first time I had met up with my friend. We had previously chatted online and we’ve never really met in person, not until yesterday. Our activities that day included chatting and dinner, as well as meeting up with another friend.

We went clubbing soon after. Had a great time there too. I must confess that yesterday was the first time in a long long time that I actually felt happy with a group of people.

When I got back home, it was close to 4.30am.

I woke up today at around 3pm. Actually it was much earlier, but I was awake and asleep on and off, partly because messages came into my phone and I heard it vibrate so I woke up, and I fell asleep after a while.

I went to Bukit Bintang today, as I had been invited for a outing with five other people (supposedly for Mid Autumn Festival although this meeting had nothing to do with moon cakes or lanterns). We went to one of the franchise outlets of the café that I used to work with. Of course, I knew the whole café inside out and I teased the waitress a bit…

The café is notorious for the “in” crowd. I was very surprise to meet one of my high school friends there. It was his birthday today (of course it didn’t strike me until he mentioned it) so I felt extremely bad to be so forgetful. We chatted a while about a few things and eventually we exchanged numbers. You might seem odd that we as classmates don’t have each other’s number, but it isn’t a surprise as I have changed my number four times in this year… and he’s changed his too. So it was a good thing we met up and got to catch up on old matters.

Overall the weekend was great. Can’t elaborate too much (as I’m selfish and I don’t want to share “intimate” details haha) but I’m confident you know what I mean when I say, I was very happy.

I think I needed this boost. May have come late, but it was much needed.

Happy Mid Autumn Festival.

Yeap. I’m damn happy.

Push Push Push

I have wanted to type this out but I’ve held back, but I don’t think I can do that any longer.

Yes, I know that I’m very privileged to have an opportunity to meet Mahathir. Yes, I know that I’m lucky that I even qualify for scholarship applications, and that I’m articulate, I’m this, I’m that, I’m everything and anything everyone says I am... Please stop reminding me of these

The thing is I’m not sure if I want to be an achiever anymore

I feel that when my father set me up for a meeting with Mahathir, it has done a lot of psychological stress on me. Yes, it is an opportunity for me, and yes, I can handle it if I get my strings right, but now, I feel very pressured to perform

It has always been that way. Pressured to perform

To outdo, outwit, outperform. To be the best. To score straight A's. To join many competitions and come up tops so that it will enhance my CV. To go into good universities. To be eligible for scholarships, and to obtain them. To be bright and to be outstanding.

Initially it was to make my father proud. Having lost him as a father, I instinctively tried to get back his attention by working hard. You can’t blame me for that, I was a kid then. Then from there I saw that my father didn’t care about what I achieved, so I pushed harder. Slowly it became a push to get myself out of my current situation and earn me a better future. I began to push to get me out of this emotional and financial hardship I’m currently dealing with on a daily basis. Also, my father wouldn’t sponsor my tertiary education, so I had to work hard to get scholarships otherwise it will be very tough and I’d need to take loans to get enough money. To avoid incurring debt, I had to work hard, in other words, push harder.

I got the grades. My co-curricular activities were plentiful. But was stressed and upset at the end of the day.

During the first meeting with Mahathir, I was turned down by his private secretary because he said I wasn’t organised enough and I didn’t have enough material. He actually told me, I’m not fit and he wants to reschedule the meeting. Well, what do you expect when you give me 15 hours notice and more so while I’m having a JOB. And please be reminded that THEY are people who deal with PR for many many years; they deal with executives and VVIP’s while I’m just a school kid who has just finished A Levels. What do you expect me to do? How high do you expect me to go? Yes, it is an opportunity to learn, but understand that again, I did what I always did… push myself harder.

Furthermore I can’t just drop everything and leave during my job. People think that just because this stupid scholarship is so much more important than my work, it gives me the right to do what I want in my current job that is deemed “less important”. Well hello. I’ve signed a contract. I can’t walk out on my job. I can’t tell my manager off and do as I like, even if it is a meeting with Mahathir. So what? If it doesn’t benefit my manager, why should he care?

That is why I have quit my job. This Saturday is the last day.

I notice that all the time that he’s been helping me in this Mahathir scholarship application thing; he’s been pushing the responsibility as a father away from himself. The phrases “my father is ill prepared to sponsor me” and “my father has been always supportive of me” frequently come up in many of his edits. All the letters that I sent to him for editing, he saves his own ass.

Yes, he’s only normal to have that kind of intuition. Save his own ass, just as he has been doing for the past 8 years.
Don’t you see? In his eyes, this is an opportunity for him to be “relieved of his duties”. Yes, I may be ungrateful and cynical, but please oh please don’t blame me after having to live with the past 8 years of his doing. If you were in my shoes you’d understand.

Of course, this is an opportunity for me to learn new things, deal with high ranking people, giving me many opportunities to work on speech articulation and writing formal letters… bla bla bla. In laymen’s terms, more pressure to perform.

You have no idea. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve been forced to grow up. I can’t even enjoy my childhood. At 19 years old, I’m seeing Mahathir and I’m trying to convince him to give me a scholarship. How many 19 year olds do that? People my age just want to graduate from university. I, on the other hand am expected to be able to converse with the man of iron, and to be articulate, to know how to deal with people in top posts (my father says I’m hopeless at PR, well, what do you expect! I’ve not worked in PR for many years like him!)

Frankly speaking, I’m sick and tired of working so hard and being an achiever. I WANT TO BE MEDIOCRE. I WANT TO STOP PUSHING. I WANT PEOPLE TO HEAR ME OUT. I WANT TO BE NOTICED, WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT I NEED HELP AND COMFORT

You’d probably say that I’ve been given so many opportunities, that I should be grateful, that I should be happy that I can turn my misfortune around… yes that is true. But think again about what it has done to me. What irreversible damage it has caused me.

People say, look on the bright side. You get a good future for yourself, you get to be proud you’ve made it this far. I already am proud of where I am, as many people in my situation wouldn’t end up getting four A’s for A Levels. Lets be realistic; I’m not trying to praise myself. It is a fact. As for the future, many people have made it even without a degree. Heck, Tan Sri Lim Goh Tong, owner of the Genting Group wasn’t very educated, but now he handles billions of Ringgit in funds.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t make my current life any easier. Sometime I just want to scream and gnaw at my nails because I’m so stressed… so pushed… so cornered

I’m sure you’ve heard of parents in Singapore who have to push their kids so hard so that they can get good grades and with the hope that they’d enter good universities. It is all with good intentions; they want the best for their kids, they want their kids to have opportunities that they didn’t have… all the good reasons.

But what happens to the kids who attend tuition everyday and have to go for piano ballet badminton swimming French lessons violin basketball and all the other activities *to increase the child’s competitiveness*?

They turn mad. They turn against their parents. They commit suicide. They run away from home. They end up turning into delinquents, end up on the opposite end of the spectrum. Why? Because they have been pushed too hard. They can’t take the pressure. Yes, their parents provide them with stepping stones to a good career but they push too hard, and in the end their children break under the stress. I read this real life account about a Singaporean girl who was pushed very hard by her parents. In the end, she got into an Ivy League university in the States and graduated with a First Class Honours. What did she do on graduation day? She sent an email to her parents and said that they’ve robbed her of 18 years of her life, and then poof! She just cut all connection with her parents and disappeared.

Similarly my case is like that. Only difference is that I’m the one who’s pushing myself to excel. In the end, I may just snap.

So now, I want to stop pushing.

I can start by not wanting to meet up with Mahathir. Can I do that?

Nobody is saying yes, nor is my father going to let me off this one.

Mega Post

I have not been writing in this blog because I have been super busy. So, I've decided to cram the past two days into this blog.

Or at least, whatever I can remember clear enough to blog on.

On Thursday (9th September), my father called me at work. First of all, I'm not allowed to answer calls when on duty. Second of all, he should know this, and third of all, I was busy working. But I answered it anyway as it kept buzzing and buzzing in my pants (phone was on silent mode), so much so that it became very irritating to just leave it unanswered.

My father was calling to tell me that I had an appointment with Mahathir. Yep. Tun Dr Mahathir Mohammad, our former PM.

As you all know (I have bored you with the details time and time again, but I will have to do it one more time so that this post will retain its meaning), I have been applying to scholarships to go overseas for more than a year now, with no success so far.

So, what my father did was he contacted Mahathir's private secretary and asked him to arrange a meeting with Mahathir, so that I could appeal to the best person who could help me obtain a government scholarship.

According to my father, Mahathir is still very influential although he has officially resigned (now, why are we not surprised to hear this) so much so that he only needs to write one letter and BAM, within 24 hours JPA will be after me offering me a scholarship overseas. That is the easy part.

The difficult part is convincing him that I actually deserve this scholarship. Of course, I have good grades, but so do the 1001 other people out there. What makes me stand out from all the others? How much more am I special? Why should *I* be given the scholarship over anybody else?

As they say, although a person is poor, nobody is obliged to give the person a scholarship if the person is mediocre.

That's the exact word. Mediocre.

Am I mediocre?

I went to Putrajaya on Friday, all dressed up. Mind you, I was working on that day, and on the day after. So you can imagine how rushed it might had been; I was up until about 3am researching all I could about the field I wish to study, my vision... bla bla bla.. I was so tired that literally there was blood oozing from my eyes.

And so, I went there with all I had, clad in a blue G2000 shirt.

Before I went in to meet him, his secretary wanted to see me to brief me about the procedures and to hear what I had to say. Mahathir is a no-nonsense person, so you have to know where you are coming from. He is only giving me 30minutes to prove my worth, and within those 30mins if he is not convinced, I would have blown up the most secure opportunity at getting financial assistance. Mahathir is also a man of vision and he is well known for grilling people (i.e. asking you questions and attacking you from all corners)

So, his secretary wanted to see me to prepare me physically and mentally, and to make sure that I was up for the task. But unfortunately, I wasn't. I blame it on the few hours of sleep (I was asleep by 3.30am, and awake by 7.30) as well as work, and my own inability to be articulate.

The first argument that I couldn't defend myself in was the reason as to why I had taken A-Levels instead of STPM. You see, STPM would guarantee me a place in a local university, and they too had biotechnology as a degree. His secretary seemed to think that I had cut off my own leg by taking up A-Levels as I closed the local public university option.

One must be objective when it comes to dealing with such queries. I didn't want to go to a local public university anyway because it sucks. And STPM requires you to study history which sucks. You graduate later than any other pre-university qualification, making it suck even more.

Try telling that to the former leader of a country where STPM is the country's national pre-university examination.

So right now, I am trying to squeeze my way through this loophole, but so far I have been unsuccessful with coming up with a good explanation without the possibility of making him think I'm a total bastard.

Other than that, I have to have a vision, something that I lack (knowing my lack of self esteem sometimes). Apparently there were others before me. A guy who just completed his SPM had seen Mahathir and he wanted to get a scholarship for medicine. He was so convincing (God only knows what he told Mahathir) that he got the scholarship and is now pursuing his degree overseas. Imagine that. A student who had just finished SPM convincing the man of steel. I wonder if I am capable of doing that.

As Mahathir is a man of vision himself, I have to emulate him and come up with a vision for myself, and for my country. Apparently I have to show that I really HUNGER for this scholarship. Desperation is what he is looking for, but not the crazy type of desperation. The determined type of desperation. He wants to see that this potential "investment" does not back out half way. He is looking for the cream of all cream of the crops. This is Mahathir. Don't play-play.

So, his secretary suggested that I reschedule the appointment to a week later (that is, 16th September) so that I would have more time to prepare. Also, he asked me to prepare a dossier containing a letter addressed to Mahathir, together with my visions and what not (mind you, it does sound disturbing... my "visions".. like I'm telepathic or something), followed by copies of my cert, arranged in chronological order and filed up nicely. He will help me to send the dossier to Mahathir personally, so as to "break the ice" and prepare a way for me to enter into this fortress-of-steel.

Haha

My father drove me back from Putrajaya. I don't know what I felt... humiliated, or enlightened... but the drive back was a quiet one.

Anyway, as I'm still working it is very tiring to cope with the stress of both worlds; I broke down immediately after I had found a quiet spot in the shopping complex. You see, I headed straight for work after the failed meeting, but I was two and a half hours early. Fortunately I had a friend who took me out for Dim Sum before I started my shift.

What he said was, yes, it is tough; yes at this point I feel like giving up this opportunity... I had told him that I didn't feel like going through all the hassle and meeting up with Mahathir... I had told my friend that I wanted just to get back to being mediocre.. but he said something to me that made me feel very guilty.

He said, how many people actually have the chance to meet Mahathir in person? Also, at such a young age, and personally meet him, not from a distance? I then thought about it a while. If I pull this through, I would have convinced the Iron-Curtain that plutonium is deadly and Chairman Mao that capitalism is the way to go to the future. In short, I would have done what very few people could do; imagine all the foreign PM's and VVIP's can't convince him, so if I make this happen, I'm above all them.

I would also have lost out on this once-in-a-lifetime chance. How could I give it up so easily?

Of course, its not to say that it is easy to get by as I have to work and mind you work is VERY TIRING.

I shall be meeting Mahathir on Friday. Help me come up with ideas and motivation!

Today was a very busy day at the cafe. Furthermore, we were understaffed. When I punched in, the cafe was almost 80% full, and everybody was everywhere. We had so few people that we couldn't clear the tables in time for new customers, and as usual, all the customers wanted us to serve them, and all at the same time too. It was a nightmare.

At around 2.45pm, we reached full capacity. From the first day I started working in the cafe until now, I have never seen all the tables full. But today was seemingly unusual... there were so many people that we had to turn away some customers who came in as we had run out of tables.

However, the most special thing about today was that the Malaysian Idol (MI) finalists were in the shopping mall where our cafe was located. They had a short performance, kinda like a promo, so they were there. They dropped in for a drink before they had a performance, and later dropped in for lunch. So, if you do your math correctly (which I presume you must have), they came in twice.

Not surprisingly, people came in just to see them, all oogling and googling over them. One of my colleagues, a female waitress was an avid fan. Before I could say where-the-heck-is-your-apron-and-what-are-you-doing-with-that-paper-in-your-hand-asking-for-autographs, she had already taken off her beret and well, began flirted with the finalists. She took pictures with them, took down their autographs... wah, you had to see the look on her face to understand what I'm talking about. God. I was yelling at the top of my voice, asking her to help out to serve the other customers but she seemed nonchalant to it all... She was just... out of her normal self. Her brain had ceased to function. Or rather, she was spellbound.

Other people in the cafe were, however, not equally amused as we waiters had to tend to this "VIP" group of people... citing that they were indeed a large group of about 20-25 people all in all, with the media, TV8 crew, and sponsors.

The interesting thing about the whole experience is that you actually get to see how human these people are. On the telly, they seem almost invincible and untouchable. They are prim and proper, heavily decorated with ornaments and make-up, and they appear to be the perfect "models", if you like.

But in person, you see the way that they behave, the way that they talk about things, their attitudes, their outlook towards you, and you see that they are not very much different from you. Only thing is that they've got the media spotlight and you don't; they've got the fans and you don't. Other than that, they are as rotten an apple as you and me.

Not that I'm saying that they were rotten.

Oh and by the way, as I'm not a MI fan, I didn't know a single of their names, not that I gave a twat about them haha.... Don't ask me if I saw Jac, because I don't know how she looks like. I most probably did, as she was there, just that I didn't know her by her face. Oh, and MI fans, don't get offended; I felt that their singing was really bad... they were doing renditions of Malay songs and singing them at the top of the voices. Mind you, the stage where they were singing was located in the concourse area about 50m away from the restaurant, but their voices were loud and disturbing. Kinda like karaoke with the grim-reaper

After they left the restaurant (no, I will not disclose what they ate or how much their bill was, as I am bound by company policies and I see no reason why I should anyway) the fans left with them. Surprisingly the other customers also slowly emptied out of the restaurant, and we were back to the empty tables by 5pm. Business picked up later after 8pm, but it was not as heavy as in the afternoon.

I came back and finished the write up I'm going to present to Mahathir and now I'm blogging. Gosh. Time DOES fly very fast!

And now, the end of a very long post, as promised :)

Vacancy

A friend of mine sent me a text message today and asked me whether I would like to work for his supervisor as a lab assistant.

My friend is currently doing his masters degree and he will be graduating soon, so his supervisor needs someone to help her handle the lab work and gather data. I have been to my friend's lab and I know the nature of the job; it deals with iron ores and bacteria culture, together with other scientific techniques of separating cell mass from solution and determining optical density, much of which I have learnt in theory but never had a chance to do hands-on work

The job pays RM1300 after deduction (that's what he said, so I assume deduction here means EPF and SOCSO), which is quite high considering I'll only be doing basic lab work. Futher more, it will help me a lot in university as I will be dealing with the same equipment. In fact, if I do get this job, I will be learning so much more than what I would learn in an undergraduate degree; even the equipment is much more hi-tech and the apparatus more plentiful.

I need to speak to his supervisor first about the job; I want to know the working hours, leave application, detailed descriptions of the job, term of employment and salary matters. Then only will I make a decision as to whether I will take up this job offer or not.

Not surprisingly, I've been very tired these few days. I plan to take a break before I start a new job, and possibly go down to JB/ Singapore for a few weeks to visit my friends there... though I'm not that sure yet.

Today was fish-and-chips day at the restaurant. From opening time until the time I punched out of my shift, there were on average 2 fish-and-chips being sold per hour, which is unusual. What's with today? Nobody likes chicken anymore? :p

I wonder if they will run out of stock soon.

Moving on

I have sent my letter of resignation to my Cafe manager, and I will officially be allowed to leave my post effective two weeks from the 4th of September, the date I submitted the letter.

Until then, I remain jobless.

However, there are many jobs out there waiting for me. Becoming a promoter is the widest and most versatile option, as well as with large vacancies. Already a friend has informed me that G2000 is desperately looking for promoters. Just a few days ago, CK Jeans, CK and Guess put up notices inviting applications for the position of Boutique Assistants. So there are many vacancies out there.

The reason why I chose not to work in my current job is largely due to the pay I am receiving. I can easily work as a promoter and earn RM1000 without doing half as much work as I am doing now. It may sound as if I am a lazy person but consider this; I am doing this job to fill my time and to earn extra cash. Of course, it would be preferable to earn as much cash as possible, given that I am only employed for such short periods. And I shouldn't damage my health as I still have many years ahead in a university. Why should I torture myself earning the equivalent of a labourer? Shouldn't I choose a better paying job?

By the way, my paycheck just came in. I earned RM380 for 24 days of work.

I work 8-10 hours a day, and 6 days a week

From the moment I step in until the moment I punch out, I am walking. So you can imagine how tired I am at the end of each day. I get so few opportunities to stand still as everything is located at opposite ends. Further more, I have to do bussing, which is carry food and drinks to the customers and carry soiled tableware to the steward.

I feel I have learnt a lot from being a waiter. I have learnt so much about coffee, from its origins to the different methods of preparation, to brewing and making beverages. I have learnt a lot about people as a whole; meeting all sorts of high ranking people and dealing with very difficult customers (such as people who order ice lemon tea without the ice without the lemon or chicken and mushroom pie without the chicken or the mushroom)

I have learnt a lot about dealing with Malay counterparts (you don't need to be briefed about what I mean when I say this), as well as brushed up on my Malay language.

I have learnt a lot about how the waiters in restaurants feel, and I understand now their plight. I learnt about the importance of manners and the pain of standing for hours at a time. I have learnt the meaning of "privileged" as I do not need to work as those poor Indonesian labourers who earn only a few hundred a month but work for long hours.

More importantly, I have learnt the importance of education; I do not want to end up working the rest of my days in a restaurant serving people. I do not consider being a waiter a lifelong career. I do not want to be like the people in my restaurant who have no direction in life and are content with the RM900 pay they are getting, definitely; to achieve that, I must study hard in university and earn a good degree.

I think the job was tough, but I cannot deny that I did enjoy part of it. It was a good experience.

I hope to find another job soon. Tomorrow is my off day; I will be job hunting :)

To reject and be rejected

I will have to decline my offer to Oxford. It is official.

I have received the final letter of confirmation from Oxford and they want me to reply them within 14 days, whether I choose to accept the unconditional offer to go there, or to decline it. My offer will be dropped should I not reply within this time frame.

Until now, I have yet to receive any form of financial support or hear from any of the people/ companies I applied to. My father has been helping me to appeal for scholarships but today he called me and told me that all his appeals have been unsuccessful.

Hence, there is no way I am going to Oxford unless a miracle happens and I find my bank account richer by half a million Ringgit.

My father will help me fax the letter to them declining my offer.

I don't know whether I should feel sad or happy because of this. Sad, because I missed out on this opportunity to go to Oxford; happy because I finally know the outcome of it all and need not spend sleepless nights wondering if I would get help

I really don't know how I should react to this. People have been telling me that being rejected is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps this time, it was not my calling to go to Oxford. Yes, maybe I was supposed to get an offer, but no, maybe I was not meant to accept the offer and go there.

What have I learnt through this Oxford dilemma? I have learnt that the government will not help deserving students regardless of their financial status, education background or letters of offer. I have learnt that my father knows the PM personally. I have learnt that Malaysia is a NATO country (No Action Talk Only) when it comes to Biotechnology or Life Sciences as a whole. They say a lot about it in the media about wanting to make it the next growth engine but nothing is being done to promote the course to future undergraduate students.

I have learnt that despite all the A's you have achieved, it is wrong for you to expect something out of it, whether in the form of a scholarship or any other financial assistance. I have learnt that not getting a scholarship is pretty normal, and nothing to cry about. I have learnt that I am actually privileged to be even ABLE to qualify for a scholarship application. I have learnt that I am truly more than I thought I was, and I am not to be judged by what I have achieved or which university I gained admission into.

I have learnt that all this was meant to help me reduce my ego, to help me grow up, and to help me acknowledge that sometimes in life, the world isn't fair towards you.

So, perhaps Oxford was more than just a passport to an undergraduate degree.

~

I am thinking of quitting my job at Dome. Some of my friends have told me that certain promoters, such as those who deal with electrical products, can earn up to RM2000 per month, including commission. Their basic pay is no less than RM1000. Compare that with my current basic pay of RM350!

The workload doesn't include carrying heavy loads of soiled tableware or dealing with oily and sticky leftovers from other people's meals. Neither does it include bussing for hours at a time. Of course, the nature of the job still requires me to stand, but perhaps it would be more worth my time than this stupid waiter job.

I must start looking for promoter vacancies, and I want to do this as soon as possible.

I am thinking about recruiting agencies; they are the middle-men who help recruit people for outlets or for road shows. I have a friend who is supplying me with a few numbers, and I think I will give these people a call soon. Another friend of mine suggested I try other forms of promoting; clothing line, furniture, computers, handphones... the list is endless.

I don't know which job I am willing to settle with but I know that if I do switch job, I need to make sure that the job is flexible and it allows me to take leave when I absolutely need it. The reason is simple; I may need to apply for universities or attend interviews during working hours. Hence, flexibility is a very important factor when considering this new job, aside the pay :)

Further more, I need to give my cafe manager at least 2 weeks notice before I terminate my employment at Dome, so I need to plan it very carefully. I want to maximise the amount of money I can get out of Dome, so I need to keep in mind the dates I wish to resign so that I meet the cut-off dates for allowances, basic pay and points.

I wouldn't classify this change of mind as being fussy. Yes, working in Dome is tough and certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but it goes beyond that. I want to try to maximise the amount of money that I can get, and I can't do that with Dome (read "I GET ONLY RM800 PER MONTH")

So, I may be shifting job pretty soon. I think I will have to come up with a way to inform my manager. I want to know how I should put it, and how I am going to inform her. My friend Darius seems to think that I should just drop the bombshell on her and not care about her feelings, and maybe I would do that. After all, this is a dog-eat-dog world where every man is for himself. We'll see how it goes.

Today has been a long 11-hour day. I need to get some rest for tomorrow's morning shift. Will write more about my future plans for my education later.

Our cafe vs their restaurant

Today I was working the night shift, meaning that I would be closing up the outlet at around 10pm. Before we started closing, our neighbours opposite us, which is a Chinese stall, had already readied a long table and lined it with cutlery and small plates. Curious, I asked one of the staff why they had prepared a table, since they were already reaching closing time.

She said that it was a staff's birthday today.

Soon after, they brought out a chocolate cake, trays of fried koay teow, chicken curry, fried octopus, cans of Carlsberg, and other soft drinks (I couldn't see what they were, it was too far away). While we were cleaning up after our last few customers, they had already closed the entire shop and had everyone gather at the rear end of the restaurant.

They sang happy birthday to the birthday boy, a Burmese steward, and then had a traditional Yam-Seng before having a feast.

We over at our outlet could only look away as they had fun. I was actually invited to join them in their feast, but I politely declined as I didn't want to anger my management (as going to a competitor's restaurant for a party isn't already insulting enough). Furthermore, I had no face to eat alongside this cheerful bunch of Chinese people, all celebrating a birthday of a colleague.

What went through my mind was how come my cafe didn't have such a party? I remember well that I started working with this cafe officially on the 8th of August. Not long after that, it was my birthday. All I got was a lame rendition of Happy-Birthday from a barista and some jokes hurled at me.

But no, these people in the opposite restaurant took birthdays very seriously. They buy cakes, have beer, and celebrate the occasion. I felt as though they cared about their workers more. Apparently since they had so many staff and since every birthday was celebrated, they got to see a birthday cake at least once a month.

I don't know how their pay system works in their restaurant. I don't even know if they actually earn more as a worker there, but I do know that they have daily meals provided for them; breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sure, they work as hard as us, if not more, but they get meals. Our cafe is stingy with food. We only get Iced Lemon Tea for free. Other meals we are charged at a “reduced rate” of 20% for confirmed staff, and the full rate for unconfirmed staff (i.e. people like me)

Hence, I always eat elsewhere. I never taste the food at the very outlet I work in. Don’t you think this is odd, if not ironic?

Think of it this way. Their food is priced at around 10-30% cheaper than ours. Their customers are mainly middle class Chinese people, while we get all sorts, from Datuks to Datins to VVIP's and Platinum Card holders. Ours is an international franchise, and theirs is just a stand alone outlet. They don't have the "classy tag" attached to their restaurant (although I know that many people would beg to differ, my cafe is known for being a "classy" hang out place, at least among Malaysians)

They serve purely Chinese food while we serve everything from Asian to Western and Middle Eastern. Theirs is more like a high-class hawker stall, whilst ours is more like a wannabe high-class dining cafe.

They have more employees than us and their food is actually COOKED in their kitchen, unlike ours which comes pre-packed from a central kitchen.

And despite all these differences, our monthly turnover and monthly profit is about the same. Surprising isn't it?

Why does this difference occur?

Theirs is run fully by Chinese people. Ours is run mostly by non-Chinese people.

Is it that the Chinese people look out more for their kind as compared to the non-Chinese? I am not making an assumption; I am merely questioning what I see in my everyday work.

I also observed that the atmosphere over there is more like a family than a bunch of people running a business. They actually looked out for each other. They did everything together; had communal meals, celebrated birthdays.... overall I can say that the staff there were proud to be part of the huge family of workers. The cost of feeding and caring for their staff can be considered negligible. Why? At the end of the day, they were happy to be a worker there. Their productivity was higher because they actually felt that they were appreciated.

And everyone who runs a business knows; happy employees mean happy customers, which lead to an increase in turnover and hence, higher profits.

At my cafe, most of the staffs are resentful. Blame it on long working hours and low wages. Heck, I only earn about RM800 a month! We don't get fed, our birthdays pass without being remembered, and staffs are fragmented. We work for the sake of working, and most don't look forward to the next day at work. We don't form a bond with each other in the same way as the people in the opposite restaurant do. We are not proud to be a part of our restaurant as the people there are. Many staffs in the cafe I work in are only temporary, whilst many staffs working in the opposite restaurant have been there for a long time.

They seem united. They seem happy. They seem very much unlike the people in my cafe. Yes, you can see the tired looks on their faces, but you can also see the smile of content. My cafe is almost 100% Malay. Needless to say, I am the only Chinese.

I felt ashamed to be part of my Cafe after what I witnessed today. I'm not saying that I am resentful because I didn't get a celebration on my birthday; I'm saying that overall, I feel that the Chinese opposite us have fully understood what it means to work as a team... that is, to be happy, to enjoy oneself along with fellow mates and to celebrate each other's important occasions.

I'd like to think that all Chinese are like the people opposite. Heck, I'd like to think that the whole world is like that.

They were still singing merrily and chatting loudly when I punched out. I really give them my utmost respect.

I went to 7-11 and bought myself a can of Heineken for my own little celebration. I've not had beer for such a long time that I almost missed the taste of it at the tip of my tongue.

I feel so proud to be Chinese.