To reject and be rejected

I will have to decline my offer to Oxford. It is official.

I have received the final letter of confirmation from Oxford and they want me to reply them within 14 days, whether I choose to accept the unconditional offer to go there, or to decline it. My offer will be dropped should I not reply within this time frame.

Until now, I have yet to receive any form of financial support or hear from any of the people/ companies I applied to. My father has been helping me to appeal for scholarships but today he called me and told me that all his appeals have been unsuccessful.

Hence, there is no way I am going to Oxford unless a miracle happens and I find my bank account richer by half a million Ringgit.

My father will help me fax the letter to them declining my offer.

I don't know whether I should feel sad or happy because of this. Sad, because I missed out on this opportunity to go to Oxford; happy because I finally know the outcome of it all and need not spend sleepless nights wondering if I would get help

I really don't know how I should react to this. People have been telling me that being rejected is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps this time, it was not my calling to go to Oxford. Yes, maybe I was supposed to get an offer, but no, maybe I was not meant to accept the offer and go there.

What have I learnt through this Oxford dilemma? I have learnt that the government will not help deserving students regardless of their financial status, education background or letters of offer. I have learnt that my father knows the PM personally. I have learnt that Malaysia is a NATO country (No Action Talk Only) when it comes to Biotechnology or Life Sciences as a whole. They say a lot about it in the media about wanting to make it the next growth engine but nothing is being done to promote the course to future undergraduate students.

I have learnt that despite all the A's you have achieved, it is wrong for you to expect something out of it, whether in the form of a scholarship or any other financial assistance. I have learnt that not getting a scholarship is pretty normal, and nothing to cry about. I have learnt that I am actually privileged to be even ABLE to qualify for a scholarship application. I have learnt that I am truly more than I thought I was, and I am not to be judged by what I have achieved or which university I gained admission into.

I have learnt that all this was meant to help me reduce my ego, to help me grow up, and to help me acknowledge that sometimes in life, the world isn't fair towards you.

So, perhaps Oxford was more than just a passport to an undergraduate degree.

~

I am thinking of quitting my job at Dome. Some of my friends have told me that certain promoters, such as those who deal with electrical products, can earn up to RM2000 per month, including commission. Their basic pay is no less than RM1000. Compare that with my current basic pay of RM350!

The workload doesn't include carrying heavy loads of soiled tableware or dealing with oily and sticky leftovers from other people's meals. Neither does it include bussing for hours at a time. Of course, the nature of the job still requires me to stand, but perhaps it would be more worth my time than this stupid waiter job.

I must start looking for promoter vacancies, and I want to do this as soon as possible.

I am thinking about recruiting agencies; they are the middle-men who help recruit people for outlets or for road shows. I have a friend who is supplying me with a few numbers, and I think I will give these people a call soon. Another friend of mine suggested I try other forms of promoting; clothing line, furniture, computers, handphones... the list is endless.

I don't know which job I am willing to settle with but I know that if I do switch job, I need to make sure that the job is flexible and it allows me to take leave when I absolutely need it. The reason is simple; I may need to apply for universities or attend interviews during working hours. Hence, flexibility is a very important factor when considering this new job, aside the pay :)

Further more, I need to give my cafe manager at least 2 weeks notice before I terminate my employment at Dome, so I need to plan it very carefully. I want to maximise the amount of money I can get out of Dome, so I need to keep in mind the dates I wish to resign so that I meet the cut-off dates for allowances, basic pay and points.

I wouldn't classify this change of mind as being fussy. Yes, working in Dome is tough and certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but it goes beyond that. I want to try to maximise the amount of money that I can get, and I can't do that with Dome (read "I GET ONLY RM800 PER MONTH")

So, I may be shifting job pretty soon. I think I will have to come up with a way to inform my manager. I want to know how I should put it, and how I am going to inform her. My friend Darius seems to think that I should just drop the bombshell on her and not care about her feelings, and maybe I would do that. After all, this is a dog-eat-dog world where every man is for himself. We'll see how it goes.

Today has been a long 11-hour day. I need to get some rest for tomorrow's morning shift. Will write more about my future plans for my education later.