The Gym

The gym is divided into two separate areas. The lower studio and the upper studio.

Most of the heavy duty equipment, such as barbels and weights are located in the lower studio. The upper studio mainly has cardio equipment such as treadmills, bikes and cross trainers.

And not surprisingly, the lower studio is dominated by bunnies and hunks while the upper studio is dominated by the not-so-beautiful people aspiring to become bunnies and hunks

To sum it up:
Lower studio -> the who's who
Upper studio -> wannabe's

When I first joined the gym there was a huge problem, and it was related to my size. I'm really small and slim. Hence I get intimidated easily by the huge hunks with biceps larger than my thighs. Also, the lower studio is constantly occupied. You'd be lucky to secure a bench during peak hours. People also look at you and cruise around in the gym, taking extra notice of other people who are huger than they are.

So, for a skinny boi like me, I feel intimidated. It kinda gets to you after a while, especially when you find that you're always decreasing the weight on the machines. Perhaps it doesn't matter that the person who used the Lat Pulldown machine before me was on 60kg. I can only lift 20kg

I started working out more and more in the upper studio until the point I never even stepped into the lower studio.

22nd April. Gym instructor increases the intensity of my workout. He says I can start going for heavier exercises and start pumping more iron. He reckons I'd make lean-beef in 2-3 months provided I follow the workout routine and eat well.

Suddenly I find myself lifting 1/3rd my body weight on machines. Pumping iron like I've never done. Lifting barbels and pushing stacks of weights up and down with my legs

And naturally all the equipment I need for the new workout routine is located on the lower studio.

I have now officially joined the pool of who's who.

You must understand that if it wasn't because I needed the equipment I'd prefer to stay up there with the rest of the people with not so perfect bodies and feel less inadequate.

I'm trying to cope with this "promotion", if you may. And no, it doesnt help that the person next to me is carrying weights that are as heavy as my body weight.

Hope my biceps become a bit bigger soon. Don't want to feel left out.

Wilson's Promontory

Anzac day holiday. Perfect day for a road trip

Driving through the country is amazing. Cows, fields, more cows, hills; the scenery will take your breath away.

Weather again was great. Not many clouds, plenty of sun and blue skies. Cool winds and the sweet scent of Eucalyptus.

Wilson's Promontory is the southern most tip of Continental Australia.

Pictures will be uploaded soon.

Mornington

Had a day trip to Mornington, around 1.5hours drive from Melbounrne city

Really great weather, really great scenery.

Fish and chips drenched with salt, along the beach full with Seagulls waiting to peck at your meal.

Bliss

Pictures will be uploaded soon.

Cold

Lonely

Lonely

Lonely

That is all I can say.

Lovely

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Spa

Cloudy skies once more. Slight tinge of purplish-orange coming from the Sodium street lights reflected off the clouds. 15 degree temperature perhaps, but I couldn't be sure.

Warm water all over, pressed against my body like a thin film of silk. And the occasional airplane passing overhead.

Bliss.

Humans just want to have a happy life. To have security, to have love, to have respect. Sometimes these things come easy and at other times we have to really work our way towards it.

What makes us fighters? Isn't it because we want something better for ourselves and for other people?

I don't think I know the true meaning of being independent. I don’t think I can say that I understand what it means to really be in suffering. I don't think I can say for sure that I can make a difference in this huge bloody rock we call Earth.

I don't know if I can be cool, if I can be someone worthwhile. I don't know if I can do the things I want to do. I don't know what I want to do.

I don’t know how to make friends without being the bitchy self I truly am. I don’t know how to love a person “just because”

I don't know what I want from life and I don't know what I want from myself.

I'm just sorta tagging along.

But I do know that I want to find more meaning to this life other than books lunches dinners gym and resting in bed.

I want to know what makes me so special to be alive.

What

WHAT TURNS ME ON
Chocolate and cool people.


WHAT TURNS ME OFF
1. People who are looking for sex and one night stands. Im not a rentboy.

2. People who are old enough to be my father. Im sorry I dont want to meet up with people your age because I think it is just sick.

3. Sticky/possessive, rude and inconsiderate people and queens screaming for attention. My tolerance for nonsense is very low.

4. Boring people who cant get past the "Hi hows it going" line because it gets REALLY old REALLY fast.

5. People who dont have a face picture on their profile. Im sorry but I dont talk to "discreet" people or headless corpses.

6. Emotional game players. I dont have enough of time or energy to deal with your crap so please stay away from me if you like to manipulate other people and play immature mind games. That is SO not cool.

7. People who want my msn address or phone number without getting to know me first. I dont collect contacts like trophies, its just not my thing

No more rain

The rain has stopped. This has got to be the longest day ever

Ever since I've come to Melbourne I've never had a day longer than this.

I had an appointment to watch Brokeback Mountain today but the person cancelled on me without informing me first. Without any backup plans I ended up without a date for the rest of the day. Most of the other people I know had either gone away for the weekend or were too lazy to get out of the house.

My luck started to take a turn when someone decided to go to The Peel and invite me along. Little did I expect that not long after this invitation was sent out he changed his mind.

Another guy wanted me over his place to accompany him but I felt he was too tired. He had danced 8 hours at Raw Hide and he wanted to crash into bed. Because he felt lonely (and I admit I was fucking lonely too) he suggested that I go over to his place and spend the night there. As I haven't met him prior to this I guess it was not a good idea so politely turned him down.

And now, I'm sitting here in front of my stupid laptop in the same way I have been doing since 11am this morning. I've been surfing for about 12 hours.

Fuck the bastards.

Fuck myself.

Night rain

It is still raining. Can you believe it? Rain rain rain rain

The latest record from the Meteorology department indicates 6.2mm rain since 9am. Not a fair bit but if you think about the amount of rain falling over the whole of Melbourne you'd know it is significant especially in the driest continent on Earth.

Dark and cold, the rain has become heavier. My room mate is still not home. My housemates too have gone out, leaving me alone during this moody weather.

Beautiful rain. I'm going to walk in Flagstaff Gardens later at night to see the happy plants.

Rain again?

The rain has now started to fall again. Although it is only a drizzle compared to what we would get in Malaysia, nevertheless the rain is very comforting as it has been pretty dry in the past few weeks

I swear I can hear the plants singing to the sound of thunder and lightning. You can almost see pools of water accumulating in grassy areas, something I've not seen for more than two months.

It is funny how I can be fascinated with rain. Being a bitch who loathes getting dirty dust laden droplets of acid rain on my Zara coat, this is very unusual. I used to curse and swear whenever the sky went dark with clouds but now I wish it would rain so heavy that the streets would get flooded and the bloody Yarra burst its banks.

Perhaps like all other things, we only realise how much we miss it when we find that it isn't there.

More rain

The sky has turned dark. Clouds cover every inch of black sky, reflecting the purple-orange hue coming from lights in the city. Not a patch of dark sky to be in sight.

What was once a trickle has become a pour.

Again, Melbourne's unpredictable weather at its best. Five minutes ago you wouldn't have guessed that it would be raining the way it is now.

At least all the eucalypt trees and water-deprived Banksias can now fill their stems with much needed water, quenching the thirst of plants which have suffered in this horrible drought. Finally, after so many weeks of no rain, has the sky sent us a blessing.

Thank you for answering my prayer

Love the rain so much I'd dance under it if there wasn't a possibility that I'd die of hypothermia

Good Friday Rain

Something light to spice up the day. Melbourne Comedy Film Festival

The Lion, The Bitch And The Closet was a great watch. I loved the Topping & Butch segment the most. Perhaps it was because Butch wore a red harness... and you know that I'm a sucker for all things that are S&M related. Soft white skin and pink nipples showing... ah. I love it.

A good dancer, good entertainer but could do with a little bit of hair on his neatly shaven head. Overall a good performance. Good references to John Howard Condoleezza Rice and Fag Hags.

Coffee on Lygon St at 1 am with David...

Bliss

It is 2.45am on Good Friday and I can't seem to sleep. There seems to be a faint sound of raindrops falling on the tin roof outside. Why is it raining? There are no clouds in the sky. All I can see is the clear sky and a full moon faintly glowing among the dim stars.

It isn't rain like what we have in the tropics. This is the Melbournian equivalent of rain. Just a few drops of water from the sky to tease the cold dry earth.

Please send us some REAL rain.

It is getting cold now. Guess I can't sleep naked tonight.

Dry

The humidity has touched 30% and the ambient temperature around 15 degrees.

I can almost feel my nose twitching. Not because there's something nice to smell but because its all dried up inside. Very cold and dry

Skin on my face has been flaking like wax. Even Biotherm isn't enough to remedy the cracks and peeling skin. The upside, however, is that all my pimples have dried up and flattened. Even the pigmentation is starting to even off.

So its like this, winter? I thought it was supposed to be wet and cold but this is just too much for me. It has been very dry in Melbourne. No rain for weeks, and a much lower than average rainfall as compared with the corresponding period last year.

Seems like the clouds have chosen to stay away from this part of Australia and ravage the North with tropical cyclones. Sigh.

Where is the rain when I need it most???

Send us some rain please.

Song to keep me happy

一首简单的歌

这世界很复杂 混淆我想说的话 我不懂 太复杂的文法
什么样的礼物 能够永远记得住 让幸福 别走得 太仓促
云和天 蝶和花 从来不需要说话 断不了 依然日夜牵挂
唱情歌 说情话 只想让你听清楚 我爱你 是唯一 的倾诉

写一首简单的歌 让你的心情快乐
爱情就像一条河 难免会碰到波折
这一首简单的歌 并没有什么独特

我一直 在思考 让你了解我的好 却忘了 常常对你微笑
失去的 忘记的 我会尽力去弥补 你是我 最珍贵 的财富

写一首简单的歌 让你的心情快乐
爱情就像一条河 难免会碰到波折
这一首简单的歌 并没有什么独特
好像我 那么的平凡却又深刻 (深刻 简单的歌)

简单的歌 写一首简单的歌 让你的心情快乐 爱情就像一条河
难免会碰到波折 这一首简单的歌
并没有什么独特 好像我 那么的平凡却又深刻

Carelessly

Give me a man and I'll be satisfied for a day

Give me a boy and I'll be satisfied for a week

Give me sex and I'll be satisfied for a month

But give me love and I’ll never be satisfied

The weather is going crazy, 25 degrees up from 10 just a few hours ago. Never expected it to make me feel so happy. Lots of sunshine and gusts of hot air every now and then gets me all sweaty and high. Love the heat.

Feeling hot.

Tempt me with delicious sweets to keep me fat. Wonder why I'd fall for them so easily. Expensive to buy and unhealthy to eat but yet you always want more of them.

Maybe it is the same case with men. "Expensive" to buy and "unhealthy" to eat and yet you'll always want more even though you've already had your throat stuffed to its capacity

What exactly is the satisfaction that I get from achieving these encounters that I set out to complete? None perhaps. I’m like a rabbit being lured towards a trap by a cheap carrot on a stick. It’s the testosterone talking here, not my conscience.

But I choose not to believe that yesterday was about a bloody steroid that came from somewhere in my scrotal sac. How could one use that as an excuse to get away with what was really there?

No, one cannot. Nor can one expect anything from an encounter like this and yet secretly deep down inside you set yourselves with great expectations for what is about to happen.

Climbing in to his car was the least of my problems. Getting into the mood was easy too. But the psychological and emotional effect was difficult to oppress. How could I? The sweet scent of a male pressed upon me as if it was meant to be. The soft touch of his guai-lo freckled skin against the contrasting Asian-yellow of mine made me quiver.

I've always been a sucker for hair. Dirty blond streaks carelessly combed across his head as if it was meant to be touched and felt. I was scared. This was all new to me. What was that feeling? I can’t really remember but I know for sure that despite all that a gentle peck of assurance was there just in case, to tell me that it was ok to be shy

Blue eyes the colour of the sky to entice me, sweet words to tell me that he loves me

I believe in spontaneity. Perhaps you too share in my beliefs?

Red wine and amber lights in the background to keep the mood where it was meant to be. Soft music to keep my heightened senses in check, and the occasional hug to let me know how much a man can love another.

It took my breath away

Rain

Sudden showers came today at around 2pm, catching everyone by surprise. The morning sky was cloudless and blue; cold as it may have been there was really no sign of any storm brewing, not until after lunch. People were caught up under the drizzle and I saw my friend completely wrapping herself under her jumper so as to protect her Elisabeth Arden from even the tiniest drop

Clutching the books in my hand and the heavy bag on my back I walked through the cold rain. This is what it is like to be in Victoria. You can never really tell what the weather is going to be like.

If I were back home, today's rain would be equated to a "leaky tap". We have more forceful downpours that can cause flashfloods and sweep away houses by the riverbank. No, today's rain was a small trickle in comparison to our daily hail of precipitation.

The chill was unbearable as the rain slowly fell over me. I must have reckoned I was going to die of cold until I saw the eucalypts around me.

There they were, standing their ground, with water trickling down their waxy leaves. And oh that scent so characteristic of eucalypts floating about in the cold 12 degree air. How beautiful they were, these plants, surviving under such harsh and unpredictable conditions. Even the wattle and the Gingko tree seemed to take the chilly shower lightly, with drops of rain glistening in the autumn sunlight...

And so was He, there He was, jogging towards me with shorts and a tee, His face completely void of any emotion other than the occasional gasp for air.

How could He bear the cold in those shorts I would never know. Perhaps He wanted to show off his oh so lovely legs. My guess is as good as yours, but there He was, jogging, shirt drenched by the drizzle. His hazel blond hair streaked backwards in a casual manner as if to suggest it was done on purpose, as if it was meant to be.

Perhaps not a Plastic by the look of His built. A chest or two showing but no defined arms or legs to match. But oh those sweet blue eyes

What if I went over and stopped him in His tracks. What if I said "HI" to Him; those eyes of his were fixed onto the path straight ahead and I Had a feeling that it was the only thing He was determined to do at that time. Could I run my fingers through His wet hair? Kiss him on the cheek? Tell Him that He's beautiful?

And before I knew it He had jogged passed me, taking whatever thoughts I had of Him and scattering them onto the wet stone pavement.

The rain didn't stop so as to suggest in its own way the meaning of this encounter.

It got bloody cold in the night, dropping below 10 degrees.

A letter

Dear God

Help me to realise that I do not have to constantly seek affection from other people in order to feel that I belong. Help me to realise that pressing my body against another does not mean that I am obtaining affection. Gucci and Chanel can only give me the perfect outward appearance to mask the inward self worth that is lacking

Help me to realise that I do not have to go for facials or manicures to iron out the impurities. I do not have to pay $100 for a haircut so that I'll look somewhat better than when I was back then. I do not have to bake in the sun for a tan so that everyone will know that I'm bronzed and ready to go.

Help me realise that I do not have prove my worth by constantly fretting about the imperfections that I cannot change. I am worth more than the outward appearance of a Plastic.

Have I become one, a Plastic? Have I joined the gym-going bunnies whom I used to bitch about? I am like them now; clean cold gleaming hardcore Plastic. Have I started to go out seeking for people to relieve this feeling inside? How many times have I found myself under someone else's sheets hoping that when I wake up from under there the next day, everything will be alright.

Perhaps because I felt lonely back then, that they were just a substitute for my lackingness. Perhaps because I had no other means of expressing myself or knew of no other way

Help me realise that I am more than just a poster boy on the screen, more than an object waiting to be wanted, to be desired.

Give me the zeal to push on despite all rejections and hold me tight so that I may know that perhaps someone somewhere out there is watching out for me because I can't watch out for myself

Give me the strength and wisdom to realise that I do not have to prove myself any longer.

Help me to realise that I am worth more than they say I am.

I am worth more than they say I am.

I am worth more than they say I am.

I am worth more than they say I am.

Help me realise that I am loved.

Yellow

Bloody price. Every bite will feel like im ingesting chunks of gold. I miss bananas! Please someone buy me some

Stupid cyclone Larry.

reversetime

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