A letter

Dear God

Help me to realise that I do not have to constantly seek affection from other people in order to feel that I belong. Help me to realise that pressing my body against another does not mean that I am obtaining affection. Gucci and Chanel can only give me the perfect outward appearance to mask the inward self worth that is lacking

Help me to realise that I do not have to go for facials or manicures to iron out the impurities. I do not have to pay $100 for a haircut so that I'll look somewhat better than when I was back then. I do not have to bake in the sun for a tan so that everyone will know that I'm bronzed and ready to go.

Help me realise that I do not have prove my worth by constantly fretting about the imperfections that I cannot change. I am worth more than the outward appearance of a Plastic.

Have I become one, a Plastic? Have I joined the gym-going bunnies whom I used to bitch about? I am like them now; clean cold gleaming hardcore Plastic. Have I started to go out seeking for people to relieve this feeling inside? How many times have I found myself under someone else's sheets hoping that when I wake up from under there the next day, everything will be alright.

Perhaps because I felt lonely back then, that they were just a substitute for my lackingness. Perhaps because I had no other means of expressing myself or knew of no other way

Help me realise that I am more than just a poster boy on the screen, more than an object waiting to be wanted, to be desired.

Give me the zeal to push on despite all rejections and hold me tight so that I may know that perhaps someone somewhere out there is watching out for me because I can't watch out for myself

Give me the strength and wisdom to realise that I do not have to prove myself any longer.

Help me to realise that I am worth more than they say I am.

I am worth more than they say I am.

I am worth more than they say I am.

I am worth more than they say I am.

Help me realise that I am loved.