Spa

Cloudy skies once more. Slight tinge of purplish-orange coming from the Sodium street lights reflected off the clouds. 15 degree temperature perhaps, but I couldn't be sure.

Warm water all over, pressed against my body like a thin film of silk. And the occasional airplane passing overhead.

Bliss.

Humans just want to have a happy life. To have security, to have love, to have respect. Sometimes these things come easy and at other times we have to really work our way towards it.

What makes us fighters? Isn't it because we want something better for ourselves and for other people?

I don't think I know the true meaning of being independent. I don’t think I can say that I understand what it means to really be in suffering. I don't think I can say for sure that I can make a difference in this huge bloody rock we call Earth.

I don't know if I can be cool, if I can be someone worthwhile. I don't know if I can do the things I want to do. I don't know what I want to do.

I don’t know how to make friends without being the bitchy self I truly am. I don’t know how to love a person “just because”

I don't know what I want from life and I don't know what I want from myself.

I'm just sorta tagging along.

But I do know that I want to find more meaning to this life other than books lunches dinners gym and resting in bed.

I want to know what makes me so special to be alive.