Online Flowers

Yeah so, I should be studying, but hey this is WAAAY more important.

Like, how much does it cost a person to make a bouquet of flowers? I mean, flowers are not all that expensive. I can get seven stalks of Strelitzia reginae (Birds of Paradise flower), one Heliconia stricta (Crab-Claw Heliconia), with three Doryanthes excelsa (Gymea lily) leaves and a bunch-full of Xanthorrhoea australis (grass tree) leaves for under $30, and make a stunning bouquet of flowers.

Online, there's a florist that's selling the exact combination for $175.

And you'd think that cost includes delivery. No, no, no way. Add $12 for delivery.

Want a balloon with that? Try another $15.

A soft toy in the form of a cheap Teddy bear made in the sweatshops of China? Add $40.

'Up-size' the bouquet? Add $100.

It's daylight robbery if you ask me.

They even sell flowers in glass jars. One dozen Tulipa 'Meissner Porzellan' hybrids for $125 (street price $25, glass jar maybe $5?) But the greatest rip-off has got to be the Rose-In-The-Box, ‘for the perfect girl of your dreams’, at $40 for ONE blardy rose in a cardboard box. I mean come on, I can get three dozen roses for that price! What box you want? Box from David Jones? Also can, just $5.99 extra. What, wrapping paper you say? Borders wrapping paper for $2.99. These people are NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s like, who the hell would buy flowers from these guys? I mean okay you're paying for convenience so you don't have to get your fat legs down to the market and buy the flowers for yourself so they charge a bit higher for that service but then again I think $99 for four Banksia integrifolia cones in a box is REALLY pushing it too far.

Apparently the flowers are 'carefully selected' by a 'master florist at a location near you' (WTF is a MASTER florist??? what, you mean he has a Masters in arranging flowers ah??). For all you know its some bored old housewife who's got nothing better to do in her flower shop than to get rid of her excess old stock that didn't sell over the weekend.

Better still, they use 'the finest most high quality hand made paper wrapped delicately around your bouquet', all for the ADDITIONAL price of $36. So that means if you didn't see this 'additional cost', that will mean you still get the flowers in a bouquet but wrapped in cheap plastic. OMG what a rip off.

A quick Google online and I could find similar paper for under $8 a piece.

Woh. Gold mine. I should open an online florist too.

I visited the Singaporean equivalent and they had close up pictures of some of the flower species that were offered on sale. At the bottom, a carefully positioned chat box was filled with comments, one which said:

"I think you should post more pictures on the gallery on flowers as pupils who wants to do projects like me, will find it difficult to find info."

Like, have you heard of Google you idiot.

SOOOOO Singaporean though.

The world is sometimes very twisted.

Say

This, the powerful world of the blogosphere, is where one remains untouchable. Not talking about those people in India where they can't get jobs and can't ascend from their status from poverty etc. I mean, you can say what you like and other people who read it can either choose to listen and agree with you or they can get fucked.

You are your own person in the blogosphere. You choose what you want to say and how you want to say it, and nobody, not even the freak who keeps posting anonymous posts on your blog, can tell you what to say. You have the absolute power, more than Kim Jong-Il and Robby Mugabe COMBINED, will ever have.

Which is why I'm going to say what I'm going to say.

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I FUCKING LOVE TULIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






















Haah. What, you thought I was going to say something scandalous? :P

Truth is, I've planted my first set of tulip bulbs. They should bloom in three months.

Is the end of the post?

Duh. I said what I wanted to say already right. Read some more for what.

Flower Show

Melbourne International Flower Show, 31st March 2007

Flowers

I've recently started flower arranging again. This is my latest piece.

I wanted to try something tropical because I'm really starting to get homesick and the more I remind myself about the tropics the less I feel that way.

The tall leaves at the back were tricky. They just altered the centre of gravity so much and made the vase quite unstable; I'm worried it will topple over when puss climbes the table to take a closer look.

I'm quite happy with the results though. Even if I wasn't, I should be; the bloody flowers cost me bloody $68 to buy.

Valentines Bollocks

It is that time of the year again, when guys try to get girls into their beds and girls try to get into guys' beds. When teddy bears which are out of fashion by 12 years suddenly come back into fashion, even if it is only for a day. A time when vaginas are packed up into nice wrapping paper and sold for ten times their normal retail price. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore flowers. But that's from a botanical point of view. I don't want to be someone who gives flowers away to another person because it is just so bloody perverse.

I mean, if you think about it, a flower is the ultimate symbol of sexuality. It really is the plant's vagina. It WANTS to be 'pollinated'.

Oh, but some flowers have both male and female parts. And roses just happen to be one of them. So those of you who bought roses for your loved ones, what you really bought was a bunch of trannys tied together with pretty ribbon and wrapped in paper with the note ILOVEYOU scribbled on some cheap card.

Feeling better already?

That's why its called V-day. Vagina day.

Spread the love. Give away vaginas.