Absence

So frankly the house is quiet now that dxnixl is in Sydney. Well Wollongong to be exact. But who cares. 4 days to myself I think its healthy that way. We're learning to live away from each other in short doses.

Which is a good thing cause fuck I haven't been able to eat red onions. He's allergic, I'm obsessed - our compromise is fuck the bugger and use browns instead. So today after 2 years of abstinence I buy 7 red onions and cook myself a hearty pot of red onion stew.

Like seriously. It's gorgeous.

Two tests on Wednesday (what's new) so I'm avoiding my books for the time being. Spent the whole day washing a pillow (you won't believe what else I get up to when I feel domestic). Yes I said pillow. Took 2 hrs to squeeze the water out and mind you it wasn't pretty - yeah it was HIS sweat (emphasis on HIS); well at least now it smells better and I can actually picture myself sleeping on it. Label says "a few days to dry", but I reckon it will take a week. Thank God it's latex.

To save myself from a soppy night in bed I opt to watch Desperate Housewives (usually I let him monopolize the TV). Different characters, same old bullshit. That's what you get when you trust a gay man to write a script about married life. Which begs the question, are we gays really that out of touch with reality?

New phone from Nokia gives me the creeps. It's half as thin as my current gargantuan, and twice as sparkly. Even then I'm still thinking about the iPhone cause I really am a show-off.

Tonight I will get to sleep in the big bed (yay) all by myself, a troublesome thought if you think about it, the way I'm dealing with his absence. Then again the silence is a huge opportunity for me to reset, rewind and take some time off for myself, time otherwise spent worrying on his behalf.

Twitch

Managing just fine without alcohol or ranty episodes on the sidewalk with a stubby in one hand and a ciggy in the other. Eyes twitchy. Is it true you blink less when you stare at the computer screen?

Catching up on iLectures is a pain. Yeah so why do I miss the lectures in the first place. I love being able to pause rewind pause rewind at will but telling myself to get it started needs motivation, of which I have none. Interesting to listen to my own recorded presentation. I sound so different and "manly", even as I stumble across three different methods of speaking; neutral, Manglish and Ocker.

Facebook to kill time. My biggest sin is Packrat. Gorgeous artwork and anything that brings out kiasu in me is addictive. But now I'm becoming bipolar = new editions released: Happy. No new cards: Bored. New cards: Happy. Insomnia, red eyes, back aches, 6am sleeps and an irregular diet are some of the well-known side effects.

Facebook is also a good way to find out that some random (Malaysian) on MSN knows a person who knows a person who knows you after you've stayed at his place for a few nights and accepted "gifts". I mean money lah. Which is interesting because I always forget how tiny the KL gay community is, and how its just one bitch after another in a sea of familiar faces - you the reader in KL/PJ would probably know me in person. Yes I was that popular and "out-there".

Random goes on to say he'd date me if I wasn't already dated because I fall in his "top 5 percentile". Whatever that means. Why are Malaysians obsessed with getting partners? Their sole purpose of existence fits a breeder's perspective on life; singularity is challenging to them. There's no "enjoy life", only "depression" because everything revolves around he-wants-me-he-wants-me-not.

Information

How do you tell someone about safe sex? It's appalling to discover so many still hold on to outrageous beliefs or are poorly informed. Condoms and lube. It's that simple, yet so many people still get it wrong. And then there are those who get themselves into "situations" and have unnecessary freak outs. Like for god's sake the virus is not some magical monster that is out to get you. They think that touching cum can cause infections? w t f

Living with dxnixl and having a biochemistry/biotechnology degree (in the making) has meant I know more about HIV than most (my inflated ego likes to think so anyway) Yet I wonder if perhaps knowing too much is bad because I get frustrated with those who know so little? I'm a hopeless educator. Lack the PR skills. All I do is, force it into their fucking mouths and ask them to chew. Which of course, does nothing other than make them spew resentment

So this time I chose to be silent, well not silent-silent but more like, talk-less-listen-more, and after 4 whole minutes of hearing things that on a normal day would make me pull out my hair and bite my toes in exasperation, I finally manage to say, "I don't think that's right - maybe see a doctor?". So that's not really solving the problem, cause doctors can be ill-informed themselves and may not be the best educators out there (trust me some doctors are better off as pharmacists than as health educators), but at least for now I save myself from the joys of engaging with ignorance (yes I have better things to do, like sleep).

But not before I say condoms every time - he should know that yes?

I fucking hope so, otherwise that hopeless prick needs to get his shit together.