Small

Let's face it. The Olympics makes you feel small. Big buildings. Superheroes who do insane things in the name of a thing-you-hang-around-your-neck. And today with gay Australian diver Matthew Mitcham winning gold for diving, it makes me wonder if I've achieved anything spectacular?

I'm already 22 but I haven't done anything inspiring. I can't operate a drill, don't know how to dance, can't cook, can't play instruments, hopeless at sports, hopeless at writing, socially incompetent and mildly retarded; I can't seem to do anything special? I can't even remember the names of the people I meet, or of movies I've watched, or things I've read.

So I'm brain dead too :/

This is not a beat-myself-up post. I see people around me doing great things, including the olympians (which I have come to hate) and I wonder if I'm merely leaving footsteps while other people leave dents in society?

I'm confined to my room most days. I don't have many friends. Any spare time is divided between TV, daniel, Packrat, internet and sleeping. I have meaningless conversations on MSN, can't develop a social circle, don't have any spectacular achievements in uni, I don't fucking read books, have a fluctuating academic track record, am neither favoured nor hated by my peers; really, I'm just sort of mediocre...

...because I want myself to be?

While other people are making their mark in the world I'm walking along at my own pace doing absolutely fuck-all, and then people wonder why I feel insecure? I'm surrounded by greatness!

Or am I blind towards my own? I feel so small, confused and retarded that it isn't funny.