Drift
Long week and weekend. As usual, the mountain of assignments make me hurl. Alternating between diminishing sleep cycles and increasing weightlifting intensity, I've reduced neuronal capacity to absorb information in lectures.
Midsemester test. Presentation. 3000 word essays. I whine, and people around me are reaching their tolerance limits.
"you are an abyss", a friend says, in response to our conversation on MSN. Apparently I have many corners and "unfathomable depths"; or perhaps I'm mixing with the wrong crowd of people? Because lately I've had to revisit my position on the types of people I choose to pursue.
Emotional vampire(s). I feel I have no space to feel happy in conversations with a certain few. Trivial matters can seem big when you have anxiety, yet at such extents you feel the need to prescribe Valium. How do you say "I can't deal with this" to someone who is emotionally fragile? Sometimes you can't, though most times I wish I did.
Slacking is universal. I'm doing it because I can. And neglecting the work that I have is a protest to the institutions that force me to read 102856718756 journals "for the sake of the exam".
Who are my best friends? They are the ones who remain on my MSN list and take the bucketloads of shit I give them, hand back clumps of turd onto my face saying "fuck off bitch, deal with your issues", then come back later to see how I'm doing. I need roughening up, not, "everything will be ok", because I know it's not and won't be; I need people to tell me that I should just deal with it and SHUT UP.
Because I'm like this: I can't shut up.
Back to essay writing - I've promised myself another 400 words tonight.
Midsemester test. Presentation. 3000 word essays. I whine, and people around me are reaching their tolerance limits.
"you are an abyss", a friend says, in response to our conversation on MSN. Apparently I have many corners and "unfathomable depths"; or perhaps I'm mixing with the wrong crowd of people? Because lately I've had to revisit my position on the types of people I choose to pursue.
Emotional vampire(s). I feel I have no space to feel happy in conversations with a certain few. Trivial matters can seem big when you have anxiety, yet at such extents you feel the need to prescribe Valium. How do you say "I can't deal with this" to someone who is emotionally fragile? Sometimes you can't, though most times I wish I did.
Slacking is universal. I'm doing it because I can. And neglecting the work that I have is a protest to the institutions that force me to read 102856718756 journals "for the sake of the exam".
Who are my best friends? They are the ones who remain on my MSN list and take the bucketloads of shit I give them, hand back clumps of turd onto my face saying "fuck off bitch, deal with your issues", then come back later to see how I'm doing. I need roughening up, not, "everything will be ok", because I know it's not and won't be; I need people to tell me that I should just deal with it and SHUT UP.
Because I'm like this: I can't shut up.
Back to essay writing - I've promised myself another 400 words tonight.
Labels: rant
Fell from the sky at 12:16 AM
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