Stupidity

Ok like, I know I signed up for a profile... okay fine FOUR profiles... because I want to get to meet people (for the fun of it?), but then again do I really DESERVE a deluge of idiotic emails from brainless hantu who troll the internet in hot pursuit of ‘victims’ just so that they can satisfy their 2-inch Bratwurst (yes, I'm referring to the smell AND the colour).

Of course, you're allowed to be an idiot (the percentile of people on Axcest in this category probably exceeds 90, prove-me-wrong) but looking at the quality (should I be saying quality?) of idiotic messages the boyfriend is getting in comparison, I am starting to question whether or not my cina forehead and sepet eyes are attracting a certain sort of clientele, where the median IQ is anywhere between 20 and 25.

Can people manage to compose an email that does not include the following words?

MSN
STATS
MEET
FRIENDSHIP
SEX
COCK
TOP/BOTTOM
EXCHANGE PICS
ADD ME
H/P NUMBER

NOOO they can't. Apparently they get itchy all over. Like damnit, not everyone wants to know your MSN/phone/dicksize/suburb/versatility. So don't berak it out all in one go and smash it into a person's face, right in your FIRST email ever.

Also if you've never been good at English at least don't try to be smart when I tell you that cuisine is spelled with a 'c' and not a 'k', and 'amusing' is not the same as 'amazing'.

Me: Your ‘More About Me’ section is really amusing. Good read. Him: Thnx, im v glad u found me amazing. Me: Not AMAZING. I said AMUSING. Like, funny. Laughable. Hilarious. Comical. Entertaining. Him: Aiya same thing la.

(-_-)"

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Here are some other favourites:

Hi I’m new here and looking for friends…

Ok so today you say you want friends, tomorrow you say you want fuck, the day after you say you want fidelity for marriage, and then shortly after, a funeral because you can’t stand to live attached. Right.

I’m up for anything really. I’m a very boring person.

So does anything include arse play using a street lamp post as a dildo and toilet water down your throat through a 10mm tube? Guess not. And if you’re boring, then what makes you think I’ll want to speak to you if the only words you utter to me are ‘hi’ ‘bye’ and ‘how are you’?

Are you into fun?

Expect this answer if you ask me this question:
‘Of course I’m into fun. I do gardening for fun. I drink coffee for fun. I watch movies for fun. I play computer games for fun. Who wants to live a boring life? Duh’. If you want to ask for sex, it's really simple. Just say "Do you want to have sex with me". Sex is not always fun so don't equate the two.

Are you T/B?

I’m U, which stands for UNAVAILABLE. Read my profile carefully please.

Digressing a little, I FUCKING KNOW HOW A DICK LOOKS LIKE, so could you please politely put a face picture of yours so that I can see how that compares to an unwashed, ungroomed and uncircumcised appendage that is no longer than my little toe.

I don’t have a picture here, but I have one on MSN...

Perhaps you don’t get my drift about the if-you-do-not-post-a-picture-
on-your-profile-then-I-gather-you-are-most-probably-no-better-looking-
than-Jocelyn-Wildenstein-and-the-cat-she-so-dearly-loves statement that I frequently insert ‘just by accident’ in my reply mails to those who dare send a request. I’m not asking for Tom Cruise looks, just some reciprocation (especially considering I post darn fucking good pictures for your viewing, thank you). Oh and I also don't talk to headless corpses either, I'm not necrophilic.

Hi, wanna come to malacca? I can take you around to see the beautiful antique places and try all the malacca specialities like laksa, nyonya zhang, nyona cendol, satay celup. chicken rice balls etc etc. Some week ends i stay in subang jaya family house to attend buddhist funtions. maybe we can arrange time to meet in subang jaya/usj/pj/kl if you are willing to come to KL for holidays. You can also reach me in msn, my id is (xxxx-censored-xxxx)

See what I mean. As though I've never eaten those things or been to Malacca! As though I'm desperately looking for someone to take me around and fill me up with goodies before tying me to the rear seat and fucking me till thy kingdom cum.

If you want to seem approachable, then don't fucking think you can lure me with a carrot on a stick the same way pedophiles do to young children just because I look twinky. Five digits in your bank account? Good on ya. Do I care?????? I don’t give a bloody octopus shit what CREDIT CARDS you have or what bloody monkey cunt 4WD you drive. It doesn't get me 'excited' at all, especially if your face resembles a HORSE, your tummy resembles a BEACHED WHALE and chest is flatter than an AIRPORT RUNWAY.

My reply to this cunt?

*****censored by author*******

NB: You get the drift anyway.

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