Dissatisfaction
I have the worse self image of myself. I constantly look at the mirror and go snigger at every single intimate detail I pick out, be it the shape of my eyebrows, the size of my lips, the pimple scars on my cheeks, the width of my forehead, the size of my ears, the length of my nose bridge... etc etc etc.
I am also extremely critical of my body size, albeit it being almost natural. My best guess is that 179cm and 71kgs of flesh and bone is not good enough for me. Even after working out at the gym when my muscles are all tensed up and firm(er) than they really are, I am extremely critical of them and I will not let go
So yeah, I have no six pack, my arms are flabby, the chest is like an airport runway, legs are too hairy and too skinny... la la la
Then again at the same time I'm not eating well enough to sustain any mass. I am constantly skipping meals and sleeping at 5am (right now I've been awake for more than 36 hours) so any muscles that I DO put on during my regimented routine at Colts Gym is sucked back into my skinny frame to compensate for my poor diet and sleeping patterns.
Right now I just feel really insecure and fragile, partly because I keep looking at myself in the mirror and commenting in the most horrible way possible about the things I see.
Perhaps, for now, I will never be satisfied with myself.
I am also extremely critical of my body size, albeit it being almost natural. My best guess is that 179cm and 71kgs of flesh and bone is not good enough for me. Even after working out at the gym when my muscles are all tensed up and firm(er) than they really are, I am extremely critical of them and I will not let go
So yeah, I have no six pack, my arms are flabby, the chest is like an airport runway, legs are too hairy and too skinny... la la la
Then again at the same time I'm not eating well enough to sustain any mass. I am constantly skipping meals and sleeping at 5am (right now I've been awake for more than 36 hours) so any muscles that I DO put on during my regimented routine at Colts Gym is sucked back into my skinny frame to compensate for my poor diet and sleeping patterns.
Right now I just feel really insecure and fragile, partly because I keep looking at myself in the mirror and commenting in the most horrible way possible about the things I see.
Perhaps, for now, I will never be satisfied with myself.
Labels: rant
Fell from the sky at 6:56 AM
2 Comments:
hey...it's Joe Tan here.20. male perlis. Don't know whether you still remember me. I don't see you online anymore these days. And u didn't reply to my email too. mail me at joe5406@hotmail.com if u don't mind.
"we are our own worst critic."
that's the thing isn't it. we're never satisfied with ourselves. how we look. a bigger chest. bushier eyebrows. firmer abs. sharper nose. etc etc. that's why plastic surgery is such a lucrative business. it feeds on the insecurities that everyone has. heh.
but seriously, since we're gonna live with how we look all our lives, we shud try to love how we look, no? haha. perhaps u shud give urself a break and not be so harsh on urself =)
ps - this might sound stalkerish, haha but i've seen how u look like and i think u look hot ;)
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