Love

Today I realised that I was walking down Swanston St alone. All around me there were couples holding hands, people kissing in public, kids playing together... married couples chatting vigorously; I was the only person on the five foot way that was without a partner.

I've not been in a relationship for well over a year. Since I last broke up with my ex, I've never met anyone who was worthy enough for me to consider pursuing in a relationship.

Sure, there were the occasionally flings and crushes, coupled with emotional attachment and sex-capades, but they never developed into love. They were always just experimental periods in my life, and nothing serious came out of it. I liken it to window-shopping; working the eyes and fingers but not buying anything that's up for sale.

I remember the dinners, the dances, the candle light and the jazz music. I remember the hands that held mine and the hugs that kept me warm. I remember the soft kisses on my cheek and the constant attention that I received from all the people I had crushes on.

But I didn't feel the spark, the love, the desire to turn a friendship into something more meaningful. I didn't feel the need to love another person more than just a friend.

I know deep down inside that I'm a very lonely person. I don't know how to deal with being alone and yet I despise making my face pronounced at social events such as parties or clubbing events.

But I guess for me the problem isn’t finding the right partner, or compatibility issues. It's not about the lack of money, or not having enough time to pursue a relationship.

It’s about my inability to love.

I've forgotten how to truly love another person.