Beyond Vanilla

The past week has been less interesting; first the end of my semester then half a week without dxnixl followed by a long weekend where all I did was hide under the sheets and hope the fog outside would disappear.

Vanilla is starting to bore me. There's less thrill and anticipation when you've done it to death. I must admit there's something about being roughed up and pushed to realms beyond my limits and experiencing a bit more than just suck/fuck/cum. A few sessions in the past were ok except there was still an agreed end point much like vanilla.

Started a profile on Recon, chatted with a few guys (and banned twice as many) - I can actually see myself doing this. On the other hand I'm starting to feel naked because I have no gear; here people have full body suits, hoods, jackets, wrist cuffs, straps and paddles, rings and chains, plugs and boots etc. while I seem almost vanilla with my cheap chest shots of nothing-much-to-show-just-looking-here. Gear is expensive and I'm not confident enough to go into a shop and blow $1000 on leather.

So is it all about confidence? Maybe the issue is less about BDSM and more of looking for ways to get out of my comfort zone. If you think subs are weak then you're wrong - it takes a fair bit of bravery to let someone take control over you and do as they please.

Which begs the question - dom or sub? I think I will have trouble disciplining men older than me. Actually not many young Asians are into kink, another plus point I suppose because I don't have to rub elbows with LV-carrying whores with bleached hair and a fake accent. But the smell of leather/chrome/used boots omg. Also keen on trying chasity for a week or so until I go crazy and beg to be released. Okay this post is starting to sound more like smut but that's where my headspace is at.

For now I'm just looking, learning and questioning, but the real challenge is to relax and go right into it with no reservations. That's the point isn't it?