Happy New Year

Unusual year for Melbournians, what more an Asian boy like myself.

This year has been full of surprises. I had never expected myself to be attached to someone, much less a white guy, and to finally end up moving in with him and sharing the household duties like true partners. I had never expected to be working in a bar, making people drunk and burning off bits skin on my fingers with all the alcohol I come into contact with. I had never expected to have a garden, nor have a room of my own, or spare cash in my bank account.

When I boarded that flight to Melbourne I had none of this in mind. I told myself I was going to become a one-bag traveler; to treat Australia as a holiday destination that was never going to be something permanent, a place I could leave by stuffing all my belongings into one suitcase. I would stay single so that I would not be too attached to Australia.

That was the plan anyway.

When I finally managed to settle down in a place where six people shared four rooms, I found myself constantly seeking forms of affection and support from the gay community here. It was as if I had no way of getting around by myself without the constant bickering and lies of the sex-hungry. I made my way into stranger’s homes and infiltrated the lives of two married men with my sexual needs (or advances, whichever way you choose to view it). I had never felt this free in my life, being able to do the things I liked and needed without restriction from the government or from the police force. It was me unleashing the gay side within, and exploring my sexuality in the same way I used to back home, minus the guilt or fear of being caught as everything I did was legal in this country.

I have now moved to a new house in a quiet little suburb and have begun to construct my very own garden, a first for me in 10 years. I’ve slowly purchased native flora to fill the sun-drenched courtyard behind the house with lovely foliage and scents from not-so-native flora such as jasmine and geraniums. The boyfriend has contributed to this collection of weird and peculiar plants with a frangipani for my Christmas present. For a boy who does not know where he will end up in 3 years time (with the odds greatly swinging towards the reality of returning home to serve a bond with my scholarship provider), building a garden has proven to be a very hard investment. As much as I try to build the garden, there is a constant thought of me having to return to my home country that holds me back every time I purchase something new for the garden. The uncertainty in my position kills the drive and determination to make the garden work to unleash its full potential, though I must admit that it is slowly being pieced together nonetheless.

I have gathered a vast amount of personal belongings since I came to Melbourne. From a decent sized bed to a table and a chair, I have bought many pieces of furniture for myself using my hard earned wages. My wardrobe, however, has remained the same as I have not been able to source out pieces of clothing that I would be willing to pay and wear.

With a new job and a new boyfriend, I have had little time for myself and for exploring Australia. I have since neglected photography and have become lazy as ever. Without much drive or determination to succeed, I feel almost lethargic and static with nothing really going on in my life other than the scheduled activities that line my calendar pinned up on my corkboard. I have become dull and boring, and all sense of adventure has vanished. The uniqueness of Australia does not seem thrilling enough to be discovered or savoured, and I fear with great deal that this feeling may persist for a long time to come, causing me to nonchalantly ignore the events that are happening all around me.

The whole idea of coming here for education and education alone seems distant, and I cannot think of anything I would rather do than to enjoy myself big time.

This year has been spectacular and the memories have been great.

Happy New Year to you guys, and best wishes ahead.