Creating Dreams

I feel the soft bed against my back as I lie on it and sink into the foam underneath me. Scents coming from the aromatherapy burner and amber lights, heat radiating from the heater in a distance, dance tracks playing softly in the background to help mask the noises that we are making so that the neighbours don’t get to share in our little private conversations… Everything feels dreamy.

The smell of avocado Palmolive shampoo fresh from the shower. Blue eyes that look into mine with a sense of comfort and love, blond hair messily waved with the tips of my fingers, his hand around my hips in an embrace. My mind does its thing again; it wanders.

Once upon a time over glasses of white wine, two strangers converged in an obscure part of town where the clubs chime away disco music and the hippy Aussie lads do their stuff on the sideways. Amidst the noise of the bustling nightlife, they were absorbed in a world of their own; discussing politics, religion and sexuality, expressing dreams and hopes for the future, building a foundation that would ultimately lead to something beyond anything that they as individuals imagined was possible

Something called love

We never saw ourselves being in a relationship. He's happy being single and likewise I feel the same; I certainly do not need the extra burden of a relationship at this point in my life when I have to worry more about Crassulean Acid Metabolism and the Semi Conservative Replication Theory.

The love that I have for him is not a sexually perverse one, nor one that sees myself pursuing him for a relationship. Genuine, pure, undemanding and unobtrusive love. To wake up in the morning and think about him over coffee and toast, to have the urge to give him hugs and a kiss on the cheek just for the fun of it, to want to hold his hand and make myself comfortable in his embrace, to pray for him when he is facing difficulty in his life and to lend an ear to him when he needs a listener. To do all these and more, without having expectations or agendas, to be pure in intention and genuine in thought.

Two strangers from two different backgrounds and mentalities somehow managed to meet in the right place at the right time, two strangers coming together to create dreams.

I never thought that I would be accepted in Melbourne when I first came. My views about life were radical, my opinions different from the typical Asian stereotypes. I didn't have the qualities of an average Malaysian, rather was more accustomed to my own weird way of thinking. I thought that people would stay away from me and that I wasn’t good enough as a person for anyone to want me as a friend.

And then he came along and changed all that, changed all my perceptions, changed all my pessimism into something beautiful.

He showed me things that I never thought existed and taught me lessons that I never would have learnt on my own. He made me re-examine myself as a person, and taught me to give myself a chance when I was too hard on myself. In the hardest of situations, he gave me the space I needed to develop my own feelings and opinions, to come to terms with the situation, and to make a suitable decision to deal with it on my own.

He was there when I needed him the most, and I took great comfort in knowing that I was loved.

I felt my feelings converging into a multitude of possibilities as we lay there on his bed in each other's embrace. With the night sky as the only observer, I felt secure in that spot and I didn’t want that feeling to go away.

I felt whole in his embrace, because I've never been loved that way before.