Crossed fingers
In about 12 hours time, I shall receive my exam results!
Who can imagine... after almost 18 months of toil and strife, after buckets of sweat and barrels of blood, after slaving over books and vomiting on exam papers, the final moment is here... I am finally getting the final grade!
I can't wait. I can't even sleep now.
Is it natural for someone to feel anxious? For me, so much hangs on the results that I will receive today. Although I may have failed in many attempts at obtaining a scholarship, these results will still be significant for future attempts in gaining a scholarship, if ever. And if I do not end up being financed by anyone, at least I will have some pride in myself if I do well.
The clock is ticking.
Ironically, as much as I wish to receive my results, I also feel insecure. I mean, what if the results are not what I want? What if I fail to obtain all A's? What if my A's are disappointingly near the borderline? What if everyone gasps when they hear about my results????
How will I deal with "failure"?
Of course, my version of failure is not necessarily that of my peers. Getting a "B" is considered a failure to me, whilst for some of my friends, it is worthy of celebration. Many of my friends can barely pass their subjects and yet here I am, this butthead, screaming and crying foul over a "B"
Yes I admit, my standards are way higher than a lot of people I know. But then again, it is not just for nothing.
I have to push myself harder because I know that I can do this. I'm not succumbing to mediocrity, not at this point at least. Yes, I can get a "B" with one eye shut, but that's not the best I can do, right? I have always been a high achiever, so I’d rather keep the winning streak than give it up for laziness and nonchalance. Besides, I need A's if I’m ever going to find sponsors. I know that I can get A's because I have many success stories behind me. I’ve done it more than once, hence, I should be able to do it again.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not being "kiasu" by saying that I won’t settle for anything less than an A. I would like to think of it as being hardworking and hopeful; being mindful that success all the way is definitely sweeter than mediocrity
Then again there's the small part which doubts my capabilities and believes in “the probability of failure”. This is where insecurity creeps in. I don't want to face failure in this. You never know what is in store for you sometimes; call it fate, I call it random failure. Yes, I may have had many successes, but I’ve had 10 times as many more failures than I’ve had successes.
All I can say is I’ve tried my very best so there’s nothing more I can do now. The results are already out and printed onto those cute little blue sheets, and no amount of crying or ranting will change it. If I happen to get anything other than straight A’s, I will have to learn to settle for it anyway because I have no other choice, do I? I just have to learn to deal with it, pick it up with a stride, and move on.
Then again, it doesn’t mean I’m giving up hope on getting straight A’s.
The stakes are high. All fingers crossed, wish me the best of luck.
Who can imagine... after almost 18 months of toil and strife, after buckets of sweat and barrels of blood, after slaving over books and vomiting on exam papers, the final moment is here... I am finally getting the final grade!
I can't wait. I can't even sleep now.
Is it natural for someone to feel anxious? For me, so much hangs on the results that I will receive today. Although I may have failed in many attempts at obtaining a scholarship, these results will still be significant for future attempts in gaining a scholarship, if ever. And if I do not end up being financed by anyone, at least I will have some pride in myself if I do well.
The clock is ticking.
Ironically, as much as I wish to receive my results, I also feel insecure. I mean, what if the results are not what I want? What if I fail to obtain all A's? What if my A's are disappointingly near the borderline? What if everyone gasps when they hear about my results????
How will I deal with "failure"?
Of course, my version of failure is not necessarily that of my peers. Getting a "B" is considered a failure to me, whilst for some of my friends, it is worthy of celebration. Many of my friends can barely pass their subjects and yet here I am, this butthead, screaming and crying foul over a "B"
Yes I admit, my standards are way higher than a lot of people I know. But then again, it is not just for nothing.
I have to push myself harder because I know that I can do this. I'm not succumbing to mediocrity, not at this point at least. Yes, I can get a "B" with one eye shut, but that's not the best I can do, right? I have always been a high achiever, so I’d rather keep the winning streak than give it up for laziness and nonchalance. Besides, I need A's if I’m ever going to find sponsors. I know that I can get A's because I have many success stories behind me. I’ve done it more than once, hence, I should be able to do it again.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not being "kiasu" by saying that I won’t settle for anything less than an A. I would like to think of it as being hardworking and hopeful; being mindful that success all the way is definitely sweeter than mediocrity
Then again there's the small part which doubts my capabilities and believes in “the probability of failure”. This is where insecurity creeps in. I don't want to face failure in this. You never know what is in store for you sometimes; call it fate, I call it random failure. Yes, I may have had many successes, but I’ve had 10 times as many more failures than I’ve had successes.
All I can say is I’ve tried my very best so there’s nothing more I can do now. The results are already out and printed onto those cute little blue sheets, and no amount of crying or ranting will change it. If I happen to get anything other than straight A’s, I will have to learn to settle for it anyway because I have no other choice, do I? I just have to learn to deal with it, pick it up with a stride, and move on.
Then again, it doesn’t mean I’m giving up hope on getting straight A’s.
The stakes are high. All fingers crossed, wish me the best of luck.
Fell from the sky at 4:20 AM
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